Inspirations

I've been drawing a lot today...finished some sketches I'd been working on and I drew two new ones.

I've been thinking of topics for my new blog and one of them is my inspiration - what styles have inspired me? What movies/comic books/children's books? Whose illustrations have made me want to continue drawing?

I can see a little bit of Miyazaki in my drawings - as well as Dr. Seuss.

It's interesting to see what I've taken in have such an impact on my artistic output.

I'm planning to visit the library and get some books on how to learn techniques for the tablet, as well as just some oil/acrylic paint books, and...loads of inspiration.

Kinuko Craft, Brett Helquist, and Sophie Blackall are definitely inspirational.

Possible New Blog

So I've been having a blast using my Bamboo Tablet this week...it's the first week I've figured out how to turn off Inkwell (stupid MAC program) and actually draw...

This last picture I drew, "Hook and Wendy," turned out pretty cool. It's the one I'm most proud of at the moment.

I was thinking about New Year's Resolutions today and I want to do things that are a) practical and b) possible.

One of them is simply increasing my exercise routine from 3 days a week to 4. That means 30+ minutes, 4 days a week, instead of 3 40 minute workouts. I've been working out 3x a week for over a year now and I've lost 10 pounds, but I've got about 15 to go.

That's the most boring one.

The others are a) practice music every day (harp every day and piano every other)
b) Write every day (at least 200 words on a writing project - probably novels)

and

c) draw every day.

I used to believe that I could only draw 1 week out of the month. Yet, here I am learning to use my Bamboo Tablet. So it is probably that I am more able to concentrate and use my artistic ability that one week, but it's possible to draw some good stuff at other times during the month.

So, logically, if I keep practicing every day, I will get better. I can read tutorials, practice, and watch animated movies (YES!) to see how they do that awesome stuff.

And then I thought, "Of course! A blog!" I'm going to delete some of them (not this one), so hopefully I'll only have 3 that I will have to regularly post on - my harp business site, this one, and my drawing one.

Hopefully it will help me complete my goal of drawing every day (posting finished products, inspirations, tutorials, etc.). Anyway. I'm going to set it up on Wordpress, and now I get the lovely task of coming up with a name.

I came up with a name for my Design Logo (haha), my novels, and countless blogs, but this one is proving difficult.

Anyway.

I'm pretty excited about it and I anticipate beginning on New Year's. We shall see how this goes.

My favorite drawing bloggers are:

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

missedconnectionsny.blogspot.com

Stu's friend Jake (I forget the name of his blog)

Axe Cop (agian...forgot the name/address)

Another Favorite to Add to the Collection...

I made a list of children's movies this morning. I was looking at a list of all movies (starting in the 20's or 30's, I think) that were marketed to children. I wanted help remembering which new kids' movies I'd seen that I wanted to end up buying. (Pixar is a certainty so I wasn't looking for those)

I noticed that in the 80's and 90's, there were SO MANY great children's movies. I mean, you had the first Land Before Time, Fievel Goes West, Charlotte's Web (cartoon) and some great Disney movies (Beauty and the Beast).

Then we hit a MAJOR slump in the 2000's. Just recently (as in the last two years recently) we have had a lot of great children's movies. These are on my list to purchase (along with most of their soundtracks):

The Tale of Despereaux (different from the book but as a standalone film, it's beautiful)

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs (not sure how it differs from the book but it is an excellent film)

Coraline (liked this BETTER than the book. *GASP*)

Fantastic Mr. Fox (...maybe liked this one better than the book too!!! *GASP GASP* They just added in a lot of flavor and some great storyline stuff! The book was a children's book but they turned this movie into a children's epic)

Monsters vs. Aliens - just a cute, cute movie with a great message

Despicable Me - arguably the best movie of the year for me...SO SO GOOD.

How to Train Your Dragon - also a beautiful, beautiful movie based off a book.

And now...

I just finished watching Dragonhunters, which is based off of a European cartoon that did not have much success on Cartoon Network here. Probably because it was awesome. And gorgeous.

Anyway. The movie is instant view on Netflix and besides a really odd way to end (good ending but odd how they didn't explain it...but again...it's European), it is FANTASTIC.

The scenery - GORGEOUS.
Characters - FABULOUS. AHHHHH I already have fanart in mind. !!!!!!!!!!
Story - A perfect fairytale.
Music - AWESOME. (Thank you, Klaus Badelt, for not getting grumpy about Hans Zimmer stealing your awesome pirate music. YOU TOTALLY ROCK!)

Agh. So good. I might watch it again this week. SO SO GOOD.

I still want to see MegaMind and Tangled, both of which have gotten rave reviews from everyone. Pixar has taken a back seat the past few years...they're always amazing, but...I really, really appreciate little teeny studios making brilliant movies too. :)

Hallelujah, Mary and Max, Character Questionnaires, and Sadness

Today I'm in a bit of pain so as usual, I'm not the happiest of campers. My monthly visit from Aunt Flo tends to make me feel depressed and since I'm out of Vitamin B Complex at the moment I'm just going to be sad for the week. Thankfully, I'm looking forward to Christmas on the weekend, a service at Apostles, and a visit to my grandmother for her birthday.

Today, however, is cold and dark and lonely. I tried to play something cheerful (Ponyo on the Cliff) but Pandora keeps bringing back really melancholy music - like Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright. Beautiful song, but very, very sad.

I watched a stop-motion film that a friend suggested (some friend! haha) and...oh, great. Now "Imagine" is playing. BOO, Pandora. Anyway. Some friend who knows I like stop motion and bittersweet stories suggested this Australian stop-motion. I should have known better. NEVER EVER EVER EVER watch Australian stop motion. Nothing is sacred. Which I suppose means I shouldn't watch Australian movies, as they are probably the same. Or at least, the television programs there. Anyway...it was just TRAGIC. Nothing redeeming, although it tried very hard. Yuck.

I did find some happy things to do today - I downloaded some character questionnaires and am skipping a few steps in the Snowflake Method in hopes that it will be sufficient to distract me from the pain, which, I gratefully add, is not as bad as I was expecting. Praise to the Lord for this huge blessing. (I mean that)

I'm going to try some acupuncture massage tonight in hopes that my 1 Christmas party and our last D&D campaign of the year won't be complete disasters or canceled due to my Aunt Flo's hatred of my body.

Now if I can get through this week and record some harp music for Christmas presents, I shall be infinitely grateful.

Dream On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyN7F51g0Rs

BEST DUET EVER?!

I think so.

Congratulations, graduates.

Congratulations, students who are finished with another semester.

Merry Christmas.

LET THE HOLIDAYS COMMENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book of Hours

As I've talked about before, I am fascinated with the medieval period of history and have decided to make my own 'book of hours' excluding some things, adding in others, really just making a companion piece to a Book of Common Prayer. This will be more individualized, as in:

1. I did research today and chose at least 1 saint for each month to put in my 'book of hours'. I'm not going to pray to them, they'll simply go on a Saints' Calendar and I'll have interesting facts about them and try to emulate their good qualities. (Inspiration) I might also celebrate their feast days (St. Lucia's Day, Dec. 13, is a holiday in Sweden and they celebrate it wonderfully!).

2. I picked 4 Psalms to put in, instead of the Fifteen Psalms of Degrees and I have yet to pick my four portions of Gospel. I'm thinking of putting in some of my other favorite NT readings instead, as in something from James, Philippians, I John, and Hebrews.

3. I have included several different types of prayers - some to pray on the Anglican rosary, some from the Book of Common Prayer, and some from famous people (Jane Austen, for one). If I find a prayer-like section in a piece of literature that I love, I'm not opposed to adding that as well.

I'm not including an Office of the Dead or prayers to Mary or Saints, but I absolutely adore the idea of having a personalized, illustrated (as far as my capabilities allow) devotional that I can use with The Book of Common Prayer and my rosary (which I have yet to make), or use by itself.

I will be illustrating it in the medieval method (large capital letters, miniatures, portraits of saints, etc.), but I will be using materials like gold paint for the 'illumination' part of the script. It will still look beautiful!

I've been reading about how to make your own and I think I can do it. Some creme colored paper, a nice thick cardstock for the cover (folded around cardboard), some pretty marbled or patterned scrapbook paper for the endpapers, a ribbon for a bookmark, and my felt tip pens will be used to illustrate (after sketching). I can't wait to get started!

Now if only I had a prayer bench.

Childhood Behind Me

So I didn't mean to complain yesterday. I think this situation will turn out for the best, although I'm horribly hurt that the new woman in accounting decided to stick her nose in my business and protest my working here. Will I make new enemies every year?! This makes no. 3, although I have made peace with one of my nemeses. Thank goodness. So that's 1 down, 2 to go. Hopefully my more professional wardrobe and continued smiles and sugary flattering will end the other two. ;) Sheesh. It's so ridiculous.

Anyway...I think what I was feeling yesterday was that my last vestiges of childhood have been ripped away in one day. I had a student worker job and was still auditing class and hanging out with friends on campus and...but now I have a 'real job' and I need to be professional and be there early/on time and dress nicely and actually work on my being so socially awkward and introverted so that people won't think I'm a crazy person.

(not that I'm going to change who I am, but reading Tim Gunn's "Gunn's Golden Rules" has helped me see that in a professional environment, I need to behave professionally, and trailing off after half a sentence and not making eye contact is not very professional)

And that's not really what I wanted to say but I can't really say what I want to say. So for now, I'm going to leave it at that.

I don't really know what's next. I was doing alright in limbo, between things. I don't know exactly what my new expectations are, and I have to read and sign the rulebook now and...I'm really, really sad about having to give up the choice to drink alcohol.

Stu said, "But you don't even drink!" Which isn't the least bit true. I am insanely picky about the alcohol I do drink, but I like the stuff I like AND what's more important, I like having the option to drink.

Which is very silly of me and I can put up with no alcohol for the next few years while Stu goes to grad school. We can't have alcohol in the apartments anyway.

(Now that is some childISH thinking which I need to rid myself of - the sadness of losing something I don't even do on a regular basis to gain a greater job!)

Very Strange Day

I've had a very strange day and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I won't have time to process until next week when I'm alone at work, and...

1. I had several very strange dreams last night, one of which had my brother attempting to make me take these little white pills that swelled and closed off my throat so I couldn't breathe, and I felt like I was dying but he had to do it for some reason (to scare off someone?)...I felt really sad, not angry, but overwhelmingly sad. I went to bed last night not breathing well (I'm a bit overweight and my asthma's returned) so I'm pretty sure that's where the white pills (which looked remarkably like my melatonin pills) came from. But my brother?! I've had two dreams where he's killed me. Not sure what to make of that.

Of course, there was also ridiculous stuff in the continuing dream, like having to go to the public restroom to use a printer to print off something for work, and then jumping in a pool to play with a dolphin.

For the record, I ate Cheddar Sour Cream chips, some chocolate covered graham crackers, and drank a glass of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash a little bit before I went to bed.

So I woke up feeling very sad this morning, remembering the dream.

2. Then, we wait on the puppies to show up (they DID show up this year), but when they did, poop and pee were everywhere, and the one female was in heat so...it got a little awkward. Not the best organized event. :/ Pets, Inc. was great though and I already sent them a Thank You card. :)

So that was weird and strangely mixed (laughter and poo?) and then...

3. My boss tells me someone isn't happy that I'm a pseudo-"student worker" so my boss and her boss pushed for me to at least for the moment become permanent part-time (with hopeful full-time status eventually). This means I'll have fewer hours (just Tues-Fri), but I get vacation time, sick days, holiday pay, and a raise. So that's nice. But it also means I finally have to sign paperwork.

And while I don't mind going off alcohol for a few years...it was nice going out for my brother's 21st birthday. I guess God held up long enough on this blessing so I could enjoy that one.

I don't know. I am grateful that my boss fights so hard for me, and I'm grateful I will get 3 day weekends now (which I have desperately needed). I'm also very, very, very grateful for pay when I'm sick or on holiday, and I'm happy to get vacation time, since my family wants to take a week and drive to Kansas in the summer.

But something in the back of my head is flipping a warning switch and I guess I'm being cautious in case something doesn't turn out or...I don't know.

I just don't know how I feel today. And that bothers me.

Embarrassed

Well, I know what to write about for the HighLights Contest now.

I made the simple mistake of not warming up before last night's concert.

The rest of the performers were marvelous.

I managed to bungle every single piece I was in, even the easy 1-page arpeggio run.

I was also too quiet so no one heard me, which I guess is a blessing.

The choir director wouldn't even look at me afterwards. :/

The scary part is, I don't even remember playing after the first page on the second song. I draw a complete blank.

It's not like I was nervous. I was totally confident that I would do a good job. But somehow I didn't remember (amidst all the tuning and running over my second piece) to play a few chords and warm up my fingers, which had not touched the harp since Monday.

So I made a complete idiot of myself and was happy to escape into the night and sorrowfully try to put my puzzle together.

I can blame this or that if I want to, but it really all boils down to my not having it all together and arriving late and not doing my warm ups.

But it's too late now for wishes and it's over and I'll probably never be asked to perform in a school performance again, which I guess is something of a relief since this stressed me out so much in the first place.

...but it would have been beautiful.

I think that's what's bothering me.

Medieval Anglicanism?

Let me preface this by saying I am fascinated with everything medieval. I've read countless pages concerning this time period, mostly out of a fascination with the people and places of the era. Elanor of Aquitaine, Elizabeth I, Isabel I, Grace O'Malley the Irish Pirate Queen, Guinevere, and Maid Marian are all old friends. So it is with no surprise that an idea which has been softly treading the basement stair in my brain has begun to make itself known.

I remember reading of both Elizabeth I and Isabel I owning a "Book of Hours". It told which days were Saint's Days (and somewhat gruesomely, how they died), as well as holding a collection of prayers for individual use.

Attending Church of the Apostles has been a breath of fresh air - or rather, a step back into the mystery and wonder of a Creator who spans all time. Being in an Anglican church (and adoring every precious minute in it) has made me yearn for those symbols of faith which were much more common long ago - the prayer bench, the Book of Hours (and Book of Common Prayer), and the rosary.

I've been collecting prayers (from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer as well as other sources) for a few weeks now, but was a bit despondent over the lack of beauty in the black type and computer paper. Then I remembered what I had read about Elizabeth I and Isabel I. They had their own personalized prayer books.

Of course, Wikipedia was instantly consulted and I have been joyfully planning to make my own Book of Hours ever since. I know how to make books (and even have a handy hobby book with detailed instructions), so all that remains is to either find the perfect blank journal (which might become expensive) or make my own (which is the more attractive and probably cheaper solution).

I wish we possessed a prayer bench, a Book of Common Prayer, or a rosary, but alas, we do not (at this moment). However, it is my goal to make my own Book of Hours and my own Anglican rosary, in hopes that in time, a Book of Common Prayer and a prayer bench will appear.

Praying is the largest part of my spiritual life, and a Book of Hours with prayers that I could learn and use my rosary with to connect with my Creator would be phenomenal.

Mayhap this will be my endeavor over the Advent season.

Miyazaki & Hisaishi = perfect beginning to the weekend

Hayao Miyazaki & Joe Hisaishi are an incredible team. I've been listening to the soundtracks (on YouTube) for Spirited Away, Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, & Howl's Moving Castle, and they are phenomenal! I really wish I lived closer to Japan so I could pick these up for cheaper than $20 per CD. :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkWSe4T4q9o&feature=related <-- Spirited Away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxraNmZFR4&feature=related <-- Howl's Moving Castle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXaK_ycz-Rk&feature=related <-- Ponyo

Such beautiful movies, and such glorious music!

"Muchness"

The Mad Hatter: You're not the same as you were before. You were much more..."muchier". You've lost your "muchness".

Alice Kingsley: My "muchness"?

The Mad Hatter: [Points to Alice's heart] In there.

-From Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" (continuing the story of Lewis Carroll's character Alice from "Alice in Wonderland")

I love this movie so much. It relates to what I've been thinking about.

I was thinking about how many complaints I've had and wondering (just for a moment) if reading fantasy and watching magical stories come to life had anything to do with it, and if real life was ruined for me (ha, 'real life') because of that.

My immediate thought was that of course that wasn't true - the 'real life' I am frustrated with is one of mundane details - work (as in a strict schedule, not as in my actual job, which I like), taxes, groceries, cleaning, sleeping, etc.

The 'real life' I wish I had is simply one of travel, or quiet times spent with nature, or growing a garden or producing works of art in the form of books, paintings, drawings, knitting, sewing, or photography or dance or...

I mean, of course it would be amazing to be able to fly or be an active superhero or ride a dragon or Pegasus or be a pirate (romanticized, of course), etc. But all of those come with their own mundane details and honestly, I think we might play-act some in heaven (little children put on plays for their parents, right?), so I keep looking forward to that.

I guess what I want to say is wound up in gold and crimson and daring and tantalizing words like adventure and truth and beauty and space and sea and pirates, dragons, princesses and the like.

Reading about adventures IS taking part in them, and after I've read a good book, I have gone on a journey.

So fantasy hasn't ruined my 'real life'. I am simply tired of schedule and poor and bored. For now.

Which is one of the reasons I am writing books.

Here's to regaining 'muchness'.

Leverage + Buckeyes and Etc.

Last night I had a friend over to make this tasty treat:

Buckeyes

2 c. peanut butter
1/2 lb. margarine (or butter)
1 1/2 lb. confectioner's sugar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

We mixed everything but the chocolate together (reserving 1 c. of peanut butter for last) and then melted the chocolate on low and took turns dipping the buckeyes and then laying them on a pizza pan. Then, we shoved them in the freezer for about 45 (they should have been in there for a little over an hour but we couldn't wait!) and YUM! They are awesome.

Then we watched Leverage...which is GREAT this season (3). Every season gets better!

I'm still on my TV-watching hiatus, though. Watching 12 shows at once will 'splode your brain and then you have to recuperate. :/ Ooops.

I think part of it too is that it hurts sometimes to see people my age doing what I would have loved to do for so long, but I've sort of...given up on it. At least for now.

The things I would love to do with my life just aren't possible right now, and might not ever be possible. I might have to settle for a quiet, routine life, which makes me want to vomit, but I guess I have to learn that you can't have adventures all the time.

I don't mean to complain. We are finally almost to the point where one paycheck is just enough, and we aren't starving, and we have a lovely church and friends and the holidays are approaching, and...I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know.

But I'm starving for beauty and adventure and those seem very far off at present.

Once I practice harp and pick up dinner at Chik-Fil-A tonight, I might just come home and make a jumper and jacket for my teddy bear. And maybe watch Howl's Moving Castle for a bit of magic in my workaday world.

I miss being a superhero princess.

Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers/that perches in the soul/And sings the tune--without the words/And never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." - George Iles

Whenever I'm feeling particularly blue and down or upset and unhappy, I tend to turn towards beacons of hope - for me, that's beautiful music, or a movie, or a comforting book, or a piece of art. Or...a lot of things.

Here, then is, my collection of hopeful, inspired, beautiful things that make me feel better. A list of My Favorite Things, in 5's.

Movies:
1. Speedracer
2. Meet the Robinsons
3. Despicable Me
4. A Series of Unfortunate Events
5. Disney's Beauty & the Beast

Books:
1. A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
2. The Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling
3. The Tale of Despereaux - Kate DiCamillo
4. The Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
5. The Blue Castle or The Emily Trilogy - L.M. Montgomery

Art:
1. The Astronomer by Johannes Vermeer (and others by him)
2. Jeunes Filles au Piano by Pierre A. Renoir (and others by him)
3. The Accolade by Edmund Blair Leighton (and others by him)
4. Sophie Blackall's paintings on missedconnectionsny.blogspot.com
5. Peter Paul Rubens' painting of The Duke of Lerma (I love the horse!)

Music:
1. Clair D'Lune by Claude Debussy
2. Canon in D by Pachelbel
3. Lost! by Coldplay (on Viva La Vida)
4. Vanilla Twilight by Owl City
5. Savior by Lights

TV Shows:
1. Pushing Daisies
2. Chuck
3. Firefly
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (some episodes...!)
5. Doctor Who

And then, there is the art therapy I do to have a beautiful project finished:

1. knitting
2. drawing
3. writing (poetry)
4. Creating a page in my Secrets Notebook
5. arranging flowers

and...activities:

1. walk
2. ice skate
3. ballet
4. practice harp/piano
5. cook

Exorcising Some Old Demons

There's a part in The Blue Castle (By L.M. Montgomery) where the main character, Valancy, remembers something hurtful that happened when she was little. Later in the story, she is able to rectify the old happening and the pain from it starts fading away.

Yesterday morning I woke up with two incidents in my head from when I was small. I was unjustly punished for things I either didn't understand or shouldn't have been punished to that extreme for.

It made me angry that I remembered them on Thanksgiving (why couldn't I just be grateful?) and spent some time doing some 'self-therapy' to work through it.

Back when I was in counseling, we were talking through an incident where I had been about to be punished for something I hadn't done. I had gotten so sick to the point where if I had been punished I would have promptly thrown up. My counselor asked if I would close my eyes and imagine that Jesus was there, and then try to imagine what he would say to me.

It seems a silly exercise, but it worked. I imagined Jesus holding me, and telling me that He knew the truth, and that everything was alright.

It didn't matter if I got punished or not (they knew I was really sick and not faking so I got let off), the overwhelming injustice of it made it hurtful. I have fought against injustice ever since I can remember, and I hate it. It hurts me when others are unjust or when I am dealt with unjustly.

So I woke up to these two memories.

I replayed them over in my mind, and thought, what would I do in that situation now? Well first of all, I would have respectfully insisted that it was an unfair punishment and that I should have it explained to me. Second, if they insisted on the punishment, I would have broken what they were using to spank me and went somewhere where there were other people.

So in my mind, I played the situation again and did those things. I snapped the wooden instrument, said it was unfair, and suggested another punishment. I didn't play out my parents' reactions, since I am unsure what they would have done, but it helped me be able to forgive them for humiliating and unjustly punishing me for things I shouldn't have been so harshly punished for, and to stand up for myself.

This seems really childish. But I am a person who gets hurt deeply and remembers. Instead, I need to play out old situations with new reactions, then move on to forgiveness. I was able to forgive my parents and now the memories aren't so clear. Soon they won't be still fresh wounds but healing wounds.

I wrote about these and other instances in my Secrets notebook last night. Several pages were taken up with old secrets that I didn't even know I still had. It helped.

I am, as Valancy said, "just exorcising some old demons".

NaNoWriMo, Scott Pilgrim, Astrid's New Clothes, & New Idea

I'm very pleased with my progress for NaNoWriMo. I'm a little concerned about the quality of it, but at this point I'm just using any new ideas to up my word count. There's legitimately some cool moments and all the major plot points are there, but...this book is going to have to be majorly reworked. Which may just be how I write, I don't know. Anyway. I'm less than a day behind and I plan on catching up tonight (after I write hundreds of words on my blog. SIGH.) I really like Mae, I detest the villain, and I love the imagery of it all.

So there's this great movie that I think is becoming a sleeper hit. We borrowed it and just received a copy of it from a friend and we've watched it twice in one week, with plans to watch it at Thanksgiving with Stu's family. Yes, I am totally talking about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World! It's based on a manga (and I guess stays pretty true to the story from what I heard) and if there was ever a movie just for our generation...well, this is it.

1. The band Scott is in has an AWESOME name. It's just fun to say.
2. The music is amazing.
3. Michael Cera and Mae Whitman (Arrested Development), plus Jason Schwartzman and Brandon Routh.
4. Unique characters/movie quirks (the Universal intro - BRILLIANT!)
5. A surprisingly deep and beautiful moral about self-respect and relationships

Any time you want to watch it, let me know.

I haven't been able to get my sewing machine and stuff to the house yet (next week!), so I decided to do some handsewing (which I am horrible at, but I've got to practice) and make a new outfit for my teddy bear, Astrid. I made her a brown corduroy skirt out of a pair of pants that I don't wear anymore, and I took some of Stu's shorts and made her a little shirt. Then I knitted her a little scarf. She looks very cute. I think she needs some slippers and a hat, though. Hmmm...

I'm thinking I will try a jacket and some shorts next. I like drafting patterns and the ones I already made weren't too shabby. :)

Also, I have a new idea for another book. Just a one-shot comedy about a girl who's visited by an angel while in the bathroom at her school (I know. It's weird. But that's me.). She is basically given special powers and told to use them for good. For a little one-shot full of silly stuff, I think there's a lot of theological potential there (comparisons to Moses and the burning bush came to mind).

I love getting a new idea. I think it over and over and slowly build around it, getting the first sentence and scene in my head and then I scribble it down and think about possible things to connect the story together.

Anyway. That's all I've got. Now I need to go finish up my NaNo word count for today.

Unsettled

Job: 37+ hrs/wk
Sleep: 40 hrs/wk
Lunch Commitments: 5 hrs/wk
Harp Practice: should be 14 hrs/wk
Writing:21 hrs/wk
Church Commitments: 6 hrs/wk
Friend Time: 15+ hrs/wk
Stu & Me Time: 20+ hrs/wk
House Cleaning/Chores: 7+ hrs/wk
Errands: 5 hrs/wk

Total: 171 hours

Actual Time in a Week:168 hours

Granted, some of this takes place during work, and sometimes some of this doesn't get done (see: Harp Practice & House Cleaning/Chores), but...I feel like this all equals:

Me Time = 0 hrs/wk.

Don't get me wrong - I can't really cross any of this off my list, and I don't really want to. I'm just completely exhausted and right now I can't wait for Dec. 9 because after that I don't have such a strict schedule practice, NaNoWriMo is over, and Christmas Break is looming just over the horizon.

I really, really do need some me time, though. A walk in the woods with the camera, an afternoon of creating, or a night-time jaunt into the kitchen to make some tasty food...or just curl up in a chair and read aloud to myself. I need to just sit and do something with my hands instead of let my brain whirl constantly. :/

I am not good at a) managing my time b) managing my body c) managing anything.

Guess I know what my New Year's Resolution is!

Lost!

Fall makes me happily melancholy.

Today's song, Lost! by Coldplay (Viva La Vida) is exactly how I feel.

"Just because I'm losing doesn't me I've lost/doesn't mean I'll stop/doesn't mean I'm across".

The song has organ, hand-claps, drum circle...yeah, it's pretty cool.

December, December

Last night was lovely. A group of dear friends went with Stu and me to Delaney's to celebrate Morgan's would-be 21st. It was perfect. Thanks to all of you who were there, it means so much to me.

Today is a blues-y, melancholy sort of day, but as someone said once on Dr. Who, "sad is happy for deep people." (Sally Sparrow, 'Blink') The song for today is Lost! by Coldplay.

I've been thinking about what I want to do in December. Besides my work schedule, after the first week of December, choir practice is over so I won't have to stress about that.

I want to read plays again. Sing carols. Cook yummy treats. Spend an entire night crafting.

So.

Goals for December:

1. Have a Pride & Prejudice day (watch the 5 1/2 hr. A&E version)
2. Read a play aloud (Shakespeare or Oscar Wilde or both!)
3. Spend time working on my dollhouse(s)
4. Write a short story to submit to the Highlights contest
5. Bake something delicious (and make my traditional holiday treats)
6. Go caroling
7. Go sledding

Hopefully some of these are possible before Christmas Break - particularly the first two.

Next week is Thanksgiving - we're going down to spend a 4-day weekend with Stu's parents, which will be a much-needed break. I'm going to finish my NaNo novel and read and hopefully craft something, either knitting or collage or dollhouse related.

I'm looking forward to it.

Happy 21st

In 1989 my mom gave birth to a boy - Morgan Philip Dean. He was average weight (around 7 lbs) with big blue eyes and no hair. He was a chunky little thing and at 6 months he was almost as big as I was at 2 years.

Mom took us to get our portraits done (2 years/6 months) and a few days later Morgan had his accident.

I don't remember much about that time. I don't even remember him choking, even though I was in the same room. One minute I was under the bed eating a gummy bear and the next I was in my neighbor's arms while our other neighbor, a paramedic, tried to get the toy out of Morgan's throat (It was a Fisher Price Little People toy).

The next thing I remember is watching Disney movies at my friend Caleb's house while Morgan was in the hospital.

Then I remember being at the hospital and a nurse handing me a squeaky teddy bear in the room where they kept the siblings of kids who were in the hospital.

Then...nothing.

I didn't go to the funeral.

I don't remember seeing his grave, although I apparently asked for weeks where Morgan was, so my parents finally took me to the grave site, and after that I didn't talk about him any more.

I am grateful that my mother was so camera-crazy. We have videos of him and me, pictures of him and me, and we still have some of his stuffed animals/baby clothes (for when I have a little boy).

It's always harder this time of year because I think, "How close would we have been? Would he be here? Would we spend a lot of time together? What would he look like? What would he sound like?"

Mom thinks he was an angel. He definitely saved some lives. Morgan's death ended with our two neighbors (almost divorced drug addicts) accepting Christ and they've been clean and together ever since. That instance is what caused me to accept Christ years later - Christ sacrificed HIS son to save me? I could definitely see the pain He must have felt.

So in a way, his death brought glory to God, who knows how to bring good out of bad.

That still doesn't take the pain away, and I don't think it ever will.

If Morgan had lived, I rather doubt my parents would have had any more kids. We certainly wouldn't have had Adrianna. But I think Morgan would have understood me better. We were close, even as little kids. We played together, I pretended to read to him, and I acted out stories for him (one of which was Bambi, which we have on video, and I acted out a scene where Bambi said "sh!t", and then the camera shakes because mom is giggling - pretty sure I learned that one from grandma), and I loved him. I loved him so much.

I miss him every year, more so as the years go by.

I'm glad I have three other siblings...but I'll always miss the little guy who wore the Kansas Jayhawks cap and had a fuzzy teddy bear to sleep with. His gorgeous eyes, his big grin, and his always-happy, chubby-cheeked face.

Today I'm going out to a pub and ordering a drink for Morgan, because if he were here, I'd treat him out to drinks.

At least we have eternity in heaven to catch up.

One Fun Weekend

This weekend will be pretty busy, but in a good way.

Today my goal is to write 15k if a computer is handy. If not, I'll settle for 5k handwritten (but I'm REALLY hoping there's a keyboard to type on!!!) I'll be going to my friend Vikki's house and meeting up with other NaNoers to up our wordcount the entire day. :)

Then tonight, my friend Rachel is coming into town and we are hosting a birthday party for a CIU student. My friend Stephen is making chai tea (wooo!!) and we are watching Fantastic Mr. Fox. Pretty exciting stuff.

Tomorrow I hope we're going to church (haven't been in a while), then maybe coming home and resting.

Monday I go back to work (CYNDE WILL BE BACK!! YES!), and then I have a D&D game Monday night. I also have to practice harp in the morning.

Whew. Busy. I'm really wishing I could get my craft stuff and start working on my dollhouse kit.

Also, FreeCycle is awesome.

Someone was giving away Nine West black ballet flats in my size, so we met up last night. The shoes are awesome!!! And the girl was really sweet, we even talked for a little while! So that's cool. Here's hoping more FreeCycle stuff comes my way... :) (Preferably a couch)

The Blues

I've been sick for two weeks now, with a cold and with the usual monthly terror. :/ I'm still not over my cold as it has settled into my lungs and every time I sneeze I run the risk of coating anything in sight with ectoplasm. (Ewwwwwww!)

I've revisited some Office episodes recently and fallen back in love with that show. Even though it isn't really true to life, I feel like those characters are so human, and the writing on that show is brilliant. (I've been watching seasons 5&6)

A lot of my friends as well as myself are going through some rough stuff right now and I think that's why I've gone back to watch some of The Office. Things can get pretty bad around here, especially as the holidays approach.

Also, my brother Morgan would be 21 this year, on November 16. I imagine it'd just be me and him Stateside, celebrating somewhere, maybe with a little Rum and Coke.

Every year his birthday sneaks up on me and takes me by surprise. I think about how old he'd be and what we'd be doing and how he would look. I think that's one reason I have several guy friends that age - I long to know what Morgan could have been.

Don't get me wrong - I'm glad he's in heaven waiting for me. I just...wonder how things would have turned out sometimes.

I think that's why I've been feeling down lately - I'm always sad this time of year and then wonder why and then I remember that this is another year where my little baby brother isn't around to hug, or watch movies with me on our makeshift mattress-couch.

I still miss him.

Co-Creation

A long time ago (about a year ago) Stu and I decided that we needed to write a Star Trek story. Drew Wilson joined us and we duly planned out characters and the first mission of the starship USS Janus. Sadly, it fell by the wayside and although Drew and I are still interested, Stu has waaaaaay too much going on to continue at the moment.

So Drew and I are continuing (for now - Stu probably won't be able to resist joining in the fun!). We met last night to discuss character meetups. I got to listen to his post and then we talked job specifications and backstories and character arcs...

SO MUCH FUN!!!! Gah. I love co-creating a story. We have some excellent characters and great character arcs going on. We are thinking of posting it on a Wordpress account, just so that all the writing's together and we can keep up with the story (and our friends can read!) better.

Anyway. So today my assignment is to write Ember and Tara's backstories (including how they're chosen to serve on the USS Janus which is a secret intelligence ship) and figure out what their jobs are on the starship.

EEEP! So excited. As NaNoWriMo approaches, I've become more and more excited about my story and want to start as soon as possible! In the meantime, however, I shall write some very fun stuff for Ember and Tara. :)

SpellJammer Campaign = New Character!

So, Robbie's campaign is over (sad day! It was awesome...) and Stu is starting his next week. I don't think my character will translate too well so I looked over PHB1&2 last night and made a list of potential characters & classes.

My characters I've played so far:

Dido (played twice, once as a rogue and right now as a druid) - changeling halfling. Silver hair, brown orb-like eyes. When scared, resorts to (hopefully) witty repartee. Otherwise usually optimistic and while shy, loyal and warm. Doesn't remember her past.

Andromeda (played once, as a bard) - half-elf with brown hair and green eyes. Unhappy past but glad to have an adopted family. Easy-going and calm, unruffled whatever the circumstances.

Ennidh (played once, as a shaman, with a panther spirit companion, Sphinx) - gnome. Orange hair, bronze skin, and black eyes. Chooses words carefully (read: doesn't say much). Very tragic past and is on the run since she has a bounty on her head.

My options so far (and I will eventually play all of these):

Razorclaw Shifter Warden
Tiefling Warlock
Half-Elf/Elf Warlock

We shall see...right now I'm leaning toward the Half-Elf Warlock, but I probably won't play Andromeda...so now I have to come up with a name and backstory and looks and etc.

Fun! :)

On Being A Slytherin

Ok, not really. I'm not going to write about how awesome Slytherin is or what it's like being ambitious and cunning. ;)

I was just a teensy bit mean this weekend. Inside my head, not actually aloud.

I was thinking there might be some drama between a few friends because we weren't all staying in the same place together. So, I was nervous.

When we got there, however, I asked one of the girls if she needed to be at the wedding early (I was thinking she was one of the bridesmaids - but turns out, she wasn't).

The other girl (who I was awaiting drama from AND is also a bridesmaid) laughed and said, "Why? She doesn't have a reason to be here early!"

Which set off the whole tone of her attitude that weekend.

Smugly superior.

If there's anything I detest, it's a feeling of smug superiority. Do you know why?

Because we were all born naked.

I'm serious! We are all fallen human beings. (And there's no use being smug about being one of the people God saved, because we didn't have anything to do with that!)

So, I kept my mouth shut, but to myself at the end of the weekend, I thought: "Hence the lack of drama. She got to feel superior because we, obviously inferior, weren't asked to be bridesmaids."

I guess I laugh at other's faults because I recognize them in myself.

ROAD TRIP!!!

Laura and I are on our way to Chattanooga today to see our lovely friend Josie get married.

I'm bringing: knitting, books (by Lloyd Alexander, Madeleine L'Engle, and Laura Ingalls Wilder), and card games.

I'm optimistic about how the weekend will go. For now.

But I will be glad to be back here so I can practice my arse off for the Christmas concert. :P

Next week: Costume Ideas! NaNoWeen party! BEGINNING OF NANOWRIMO! (Nov. 1!) and Stu's and my 2nd Anniversary! Samuel Clemmons' birthday!

Looking forward to next week/week after next. Woot woot.

Solitary

Stu is completely exhausted. An old friend visited this weekend and consequently we were up VERY LATE all weekend. Stu is now sleeping (went to bed at 8:30!) and I am sitting out in the living room, wishing Freecycle would alert me to a free couch or some cool wingback chairs.

Ah, well. All in time.

Lots of thoughts swirling.

First and foremost, I felt really grumpy today. I'm tired too. I don't like dealing with difficult people and there are a choice few that come into the office on a regular basis, and it's tiring to act so nice all the time.

So that's my complaint. I'm also sad I haven't had the chance to walk to work in a few days or spend time outside on the swing.

And I'm really nervous about the wedding this weekend. The music is progressing much better than I thought, but I'm worried about potential drama (there I go, making a mountain out of a molehill) and it's always tiring to be around new people. Plus I have nothing really to wear. So I should fix that.

The house is still messy and although I've done a great job of getting the kitchen clean, that's the most I can manage most nights. The living room is piled with tubs overflowing with clothes and blankets and towels. And the bedroom is covered with stuff.

I guess I feel like we aren't moved in yet, and a state of limbo can only go on for so long. Hopefully Stu can get most of our stuff moved in this weekend and I can unpack next week. Hopefully. But I have a feeling it's not going to happen. (Nothing against Stu - schedules have to be arranged, a vehicle has to be borrowed, and Stu's stomach has to act nice for a few hours) So who knows when we'll actually have my craft table and sewing machine and yarn and Stu's camera equipment and posters and the rest of our stuff?

I do have some things to be thankful for: My library crate is packed with books, I found two Studio Ghibli movies and a Taylor Swift CD in the library which I promptly borrowed, and Stu's mom is helping us out until the end of the month. I also get to spend the weekend with my old roommate, on a road trip, to see one of our other friends get married. So that part will be fun. I'm also glad for friends who sit in my office (you will never know how that makes me feel - quiet friendship means the world to me), my darling husband who appreciates a simple dinner of spaghetti and laughs in his sleep, and Chris Baty for inventing NaNoWriMo, which I am wishing desperately would begin now instead of on the 1st of November!!

So that's part of what's swirling in my brain. I'm also thinking about prayer beads and benches, books of common prayer, the Evening Prayer service (lovely), knitting projects, dollhouses I ache to work on, and a potential writing career, along with the words of Madeleine L'Engle, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Lloyd Alexander pouring into my head.

Lots to process and no time until tonight to do so.

I wish I was a nicer person.

I'm sad one of our D&D campaigns is ending next week - I love my little character (Ennidh, the Gnome Shaman who has a Panther spirit companion named Sphinx) and I'll be heartbroken saying goodbye (except I SHAN'T because I'll play her in another campaign sometime and probably write a NaNo novel at some point).

Blergh.

Too much thinking. Time for bed.

But I'm going to enjoy the solitude for a few minutes.

Ravelry

So I made the mistake of logging into my oft-ignored Ravelry account (too tempting!) and now have about a dozen projects I want to start!

Including:

toys! (elephant, teddy bear, rag dolls)
bags! (purses, shopping bags, knitting bags)
cool stuff! (Daleks & dragonhide iPod covers)

Oh, boy. :)

1 Fall Goal Met!

I did knit a baby hat for Stu's great-nephew! It's a tiny green beanie and it turned out great! I gave it to Stu's niece this weekend and she was really, really happy!

So. On to the others. I think the book cover might be next, as long as I can find my boots and teddy bear. That sounds weird. Anyway.

I did practice some of Beethoven's Sonata No. 8, 2nd movement, but it is slow going. My fingers are too short!

Can't wait for November. Sigh. But I must.

Goals for Fall

Since I hardly did any of my summer goals, I've decided to limit myself to five Fall goals that I am reasonably certain I can complete. Just feeling the cool air energizes me and I can't wait to tackle this list!

1. Write a 50,000 word novel in November (Yay NaNoWriMo! check out their site: nanowrimo.org).

2. Learn Beethoven's Sonata No. 8 "Pathetique", 2nd Movement (Youtube video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klZYv-f9kCE).

3. Design and create my book cover for Mae: Intergalactic Au Pair

4. Knit something for the house - either a rag rug, a basket, cushion covers, or throw.

5. Lose 5 more lbs. (Lost 5 already! Down to 150. Eventual goal is 130-135, but I'm taking it slow)

This is inbetween a wedding next weekend, and learning 20+ pages of music for the Christmas Concert on Dec. 9th, as well as work (37 hrs/wk) and the holidays.

Can I do it?

YES!

Other little goals I'm considering (ok, I couldn't resist):

1. sending in a postcard to Post Secret
2. Writing one of my favorite authors some fan mail
3. Create a costume for NaNoWeen
4. Knit a baby hat for Stu's great-nephew
5. Working on my future D&D campaign

Nature, Art, and Being

I am soaking up the nature around our apartment complex. They've left a wide lawn and set up two swings, and planted maple and rhododendron trees around the buildings.

This weekend I took a book, a blanket, and a pillow to the swing and simply dozed, my body drinking in the sunshine. It was glorious.

As a child I was forced to go outside and play, but as I grow older I want to spend more and more time out-of-doors. I love running and jumping in the waves at the beach, I love sitting on top of a mountain, and I thrill to the idea of sitting in a swing in autumn or racing across a prairie on a horse.

I think I could live outside.

Nature feeds me - its beauty is a constant reminder that Someone reached down and touched this itty bitty piece of dirty water and made something beautiful out of it.

I'm reading Madeleine L'Engle's "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith & Art," and it is inspiring. This is the second time I've read through it, but each time I am reminded of what it is to be two things at once: human and spirit, Christian and artist, wife and individual...now I really can't wait for November.

Madeleine also talks about just "being": Taking time to be instead of to converse, to think, to do all the things on our to-do list that aren't as important as our spiritual journey toward the Father. Just being allows us to, well...be.

This morning I got up, fixed myself some oatmeal and orange juice, and sat down by our window. I noticed I needed to sweep and almost got up but then I settled myself a little more firmly on a cushion and decided just to breath for a few moments.

Of course, I did get the sweeping done, and the dishes washed, and lunch fixed, but those few moments were really important to me this morning.

Sad is Happy for Deep People

Today was the perfect melancholy day.

*content*

Uncle Leon's Visit!

Uncle Leon showed up a little after six on Saturday. Tall, skinny, Uncle Leon with his blue polo and checkered blue shorts (squee!!! I love him!!!!!!), soft voice that just faintly reminds me of my dad...

We headed off to Ellie's Lebanese Cuisine ONLY TO FIND THAT THEY WERE CLOSED THIS WEEKEND WITH NO EXPLANATION. (*COUGH* It's definitely a conspiracy now) Well, then we decided on Southern BBQ and headed off to Maurice's.

Along the way we talked about my siblings, my job, Stu's school, etc., and then when we sat down to eat we talked about Uncle Leon.

Apparently he's moving to Baltimore to work for the company that has Wizards of the Coast as a subsidiary. So, he works for the company that is responsible for WOW. Apparently there's a new game coming out and Uncle Leon is in the customer service section, so...He has to game to get to know the product!! HOW COOL!!! :P

Anyway, Maryland is closer than Florida (not really but we're more likely to go up that way) so I'm thinking we might have a chance of seeing him sooner than five years, which is what happened last time.

Also: Uncle Leon and I are the most alike out of all the brothers - we are both the 'black sheep,' we both love the Muppets, and we both HAVE THE SAME HAND GESTURES. So weird!!!! (But cool). Anyway.

I love him.

He's one of those people that I could hang out with for hours and hours and we'd have a good time just sitting quietly or talk and laugh or play games or whatever.

Sigh. I wish he lived closer.

Saturday

I just got a FaceBook message from my favorite uncle, who lives in Miami.

He is driving through South Carolina and asked if Stu and I wanted to meet up for a late dinner.

He just so happens to be my FAVORITE uncle, so I was like, "UM, YES?!?!?!"

I'm totally blown away though. Uncle Leon (he's the youngest) was in a huge family drama with his other three brothers (Loren, Larry, & then my dad, Lonnie) a long time ago and I think they were accusing him of being homosexual.

So, he withdrew and hasn't contacted anyone much - he goes to see his dad and step-mom occasionally and whenever there's a wedding, he's there, but otherwise, we never hear from him.

Which breaks my heart. He is so fun, and hilarious, and sweet. So sweet. I think he takes after his mother.

And even if he is gay, I'm not sure that he's living that lifestyle anymore, and I think that he's even going to church. No matter what he IS doing, he is totally my favorite and I can't wait to see him.

I'm almost crying thinking of seeing him. I haven't seen him for...about 4 or 5 years now, and before that, for about 10 years. I think I remember seeing him two or three times in my life.

We're friends on facebook, but of course you never chat much with people on there (or at least, I don't), but we'd talked about seeing him if we ever went down to Florida.

I'm so grateful that he wants to get together and initiated that on his own. I love him so much and I am really, really looking forward to seeing him Saturday night.

My day just got 10,000% better. :)

Commence Secrets Notebook 2.0 and Move, Move, Move!

I found an old huge notebook that I haven't been using in ages so I've decided to turn it into my second secrets journal (I ran out of pages to collage in my other one) since Wal-Mart refuses to carry anything helpful in the journaling arena.

I've glued 2-3 pages together for stouter paper and spent several happy minutes gluing more of my magazine clipping collection onto the pages. I'm slowly filling up my first book with secrets and I was getting antsy wondering where the second one was going to come from and when it would arrive!

I've got a haircut on Monday so that I can look more like Shirley MacLaine for the Murder Mystery party...pretty excited about that...and now I just need mascara and an outfit.

Eliminating unnecessary items is easy, but actually physically getting rid of it is hard. I have several trash bags lying around the house, some bins to go through (STILL), and many, many overflowing boxes of things that are going to the thrift store...I think once Saturday hits and all the extra furniture/books/movies/dishes are gone, the house will feel much more empty. Then I can get on with the cleaning/packing.

Cynde (my boss) came over to help me pack yesterday afternoon (TOTAL BLESSING!) and we packed up about 95% of the kitchen (few more dishes in the fridge, some food in the pantry, and the few dishes we're keeping out to use for next week). We also got most of my craft room done (about 98%, just the dollhouse stuff and the sheets/pillows from the twin mattress left). Stu got most of his study done, and all that's left in our bedroom is clothes. Also, the attic is 100% EMPTY.

So that leaves us with:

Music room (most of that stuff is going to the thrift store, so about 80% is done)
Living Room/Laundry room - 80% done (finish packing DVDs and miscellaneous stuff, 1 more bin)
Bathroom - 95% complete (I cleaned it, we just have stuff we're using)
Hallway - 85% complete (several bins/needs to be vacuumed)

Whew. We have next week to pack/clean and then we move out Monday the 27th or Tuesday the 28th. We are staying with Cynde for 3-4 nights, and then we move into our house!

The only other thing we have to worry about is storing our stuff - next week we have to take our things to Michael and Elizabeth's (hopefully we won't have to bug Gina...I kind of want all our stuff to stay in one place!) and then live out of a suitcase for most of the week.

3 moves in 2 years. Really hoping we don't continue this streak.

...but I'm really excited about the apartment. :)

Happy Dance

Things I'm happy about today:

1. 1 1/2 more weeks until we are out of our house!
2. Murder Mystery party coming up on Oct. 1!
3. Hot chocolate and strawberry poptarts for breakfast!
4. Prayer Day tomorrow!
5. Evening prayer Tues/Thurs!
6. New (temporary) collage journal found!
7. Agatha Christie mystery to read!
8. Short work week this week!


Things I'm worried about today:

1. We just found out we have absolutely no money when yesterday we had $70...somehow, magically, $30-$40 just disappeared from my bank account...I've gone through and looked but I'm just not sure it's adding up. It's not even showing Netflix (drafted on the 8th) or the powerbill (paid yesterday)...what is going on?!


58. For Guidance

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and
light riseth up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all
our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what thou
wouldest have us to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save
us from all false choices, and that in thy light we may see
light, and in thy straight path may not stumble; through
Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

-from The Book of Common Prayer (online @ bcponline.org)

Apple, Chips, & Salsa

That's the food currently sitting on my desk. I decided to get my veggies AND fruit this morning...I'd been craving chips and salsa for weeks, so I finally bought some the other day. So tasty.

I knitted my first hat! I'm surprised it turned out so well - I was looking for an easy pattern but since I don't really do patterns, I just modified one I found. I absolutely cannot stand having to knit "in the round," which I've never done successfully, so I just knitted a flat hat and k2 together when the hat was big enough. Then you just sew it up the back! Only a few hours knit time, very simple.

I got some cool knitting books at the library so hopefully inspiration strikes and I can do all sorts of cool things - there are patterns in there for knitted boxes (!!!)...and I found out that I can knit things in miniature using my 0 size needles! (I've already done blankets, but I have plans for rugs, washcloths, boxes, and beanies)

That's about all the excitement for today.

No book cover for Mae: Intergalactic Au Pair yet, and the packing is going but slow until we get boxes next week. Luckily, ALL our extra stuff will be gone by Saturday, so that's nice. A small Christian thrift store offered to pick everything up!!!

And now to begin planning out the decorating for the apartment...we'll have to do it slowly, piece by piece, but Stu is taking the bedroom (modern black/white), I'm doing the living room (old world brown/red/orange/gold), and we're doing the kitchen together (Asian red/black). I'm pretty excited!

That's it for today.

Song for Today

Hope it Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects

I'm feeling belligerent today.

Plotting Party, Packing/Moving, Newness, & Etc.

After several failed attempts at writing a blog entry the past few weeks, I finally have both time and desire to try again. This year is going to be so much busier at work...we've added on several more parts to my job and we've added a new program that ADS is helping with, so...I'm looking forward to it!

Part of my new schedule this year is leading the Old Testament Survey Study Group. Despite my love for the class, I've always dreaded the study group because it is mostly auditory - reading the notes aloud, quizzing, and then you're done. SO. DULL. I've decided that this year, we will review last week's information through an activity, as well as having auditory and visual aids. This will hopefully catch everybody's learning styles in one way or another, and I won't be bored. WIN! Next week we are doing a crossword puzzle (YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN CROSSWORD PUZZLES ONLINE!).

I am also coaching a student once a week - the student will meet me and we will talk about the week, the homework, etc., and figure out how to be less stressed/more productive with our time. I love this particular student alot, having met them previously, and am very, very excited about coaching!

We are also beginning the Probation Intervention program, which will allow us one-on-one meetings with students on probation to help them come up with an academic plan that will allow them to raise their GPA and eventually graduate. It is viewed as a helpful tool instead of a punishment (hopefully by the students too) and I am hoping that through these interactions, the students will realize that we really do care about them and their success, academically but also spiritually, emotionally, etc.

I'm also working on a Learning Styles binder that will have helpful study tips and examples for each learning style (8).

Also on the docket are updating mock exams for Old Testament, New Testament, Western Civilization, etc. and updating our portion of the website, re-decorating ADS bulletin boards/office...also making promotional materials for seminars we are having that are connected to ADS.

The other thing I'll be working on is securing textbooks for disabled students.

Yes. All of those are my job. I love it! So many things to work on! So much creativity allowed! YAY!

Anyway.

Whew.

Tonight I am taking a break from work and home and visiting my lovely friend Vikki. We are having an information plotting bash for our novels that we are going to write during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month - November! 2 Months Away!!!). We are going to collage, scribble, brainstorm, knit, watch TV, eat cupcakes, and type away as we figure out what our stories are going to be about/who the characters are/what our cover looks like/etc. SO EXCITING.

We are behind on packing merely because we don't have many boxes at present. We are getting rid of a ton of stuff (thank goodness) and only keeping the bare minimum since we're going from a 3 bedroom, two living room house to a 4 room (total) house. Can I just say what a blessing it is that the CIU apartments are open?! Free cable, internet, water, disposal, dishwasher; you don't have to get your own electricity account with the city (BIG blessing since the deposit is monstrous), and a $75 credit each month for the bill. All in all, I predict we'll be saving $150-$200 a month or more, since we won't be using as much gas.

A new place to start over. It's never been dirty. There's a dishwasher, new appliances, new carpet, big windows, a smaller space...yeah. I'm definitely looking forward to it. I am reading a book called "Bedroom Essentials" and it's about creating a haven away for yourself...there are dozens of awesome photos and it has already given me some ideas!

I can't wait.

Squibs, Muggles, and Wizardkind

There are so many ways people categorize each other.

"She's an ESTJ FOR SURE!" or "He is a definite B-type," or even "That guy/girl is such a geek".

"The Race that Knows Joseph" (L.M. Montgomery), the "Frozen Chosen" (Presbyterians), and "kindred spirits" also come to mind.

Why do we do this? Is it some part of the naming thing that stuck with us? Did Adam have so much fun naming the rhinoceros and the antelope and the platypus that we keep naming and categorizing and fitting each thing into its own little box?

Seeing a bunch of new students come into CIU while older CIU students have a hard time getting accounting to be honest with them is...interesting. I know some people who can't come back because even though they were cleared with accounting, they were told last week that they actually owed a few thousand dollars. Poor, senior college students. Who can't even find a job right now. After they were sure they were clear financially with CIU and that they were set to graduate this semester.

Then here's these new students - naive, somewhat innocent, unsure how to navigate the campus or a meeting with their advisor. They can't know the dangers and surprises that lay ahead.

Some of them will love CIU and choose to stay instead of transferring. Some of them will lose faith and struggle into life feeling abused and let down. And some of them will just muddle through and shine later, after graduation and after all the school pressure is off.

The start of school makes me think of (surprise, surprise) Harry Potter. I'm reading The Prisoner of Azkaban right now in English/Spanish (I have two copies so I'm going back and forth) and knowing what's ahead for Harry and what happened last year is comforting. I know he'll be alright.

And, speaking of naming things/people groups:

Some people are wizards; they're the lucky ones. Destined to become great in some way. Some are muggles - doomed to (and usually content with) a life of (in my eyes) boredom - job, house, marriage, kids, etc. But then there are the squibs - those unlucky people caught in the middle.

They can see what wizardkind has; and they want it so badly. They abhor the lives of muggles, but they are condemned to never being accepted in either place because of their peculiarities.

How many of these kids will be squibs?

And what if I'm one?

Second Thoughts

Stu and I are moving to an apartment (or at least considering it) sometime this fall because of lower rent. At least, we hope it's lower rent.

Trying to find a static price is proving difficult, and after reading some customer reviews (which, thankfully, are a few years old - the newer ones are more positive) I'm having second thoughts. We have known 2 people who lived at the place we are looking at that liked it, but it remains to be seen whether or not we can move in and have everything we want/need.

Supposedly, Charbonneau has free cable, water/gas is included in the bill, there is a dishwasher and disposal, and there are screened-in porches and storage.

So what could be wrong with it? It's in a tree-covered area, with a lake by it. Can we say bugs and SNAKES?

Blergh.

We are going to try to go see it on Saturday and then we'll be one step closer to deciding.

If not, it's back to the drawing board.

Storyteller

Feeling about the same this morning.

I'm just sort of...existing today. Not that it's a bad thing. My brain probably needs a re-charge. Trying to not stress out about money we don't have/aren't getting. It's also been disheartening seeing Stu be angry with himself for whatever is going wrong at the moment. Encouragement just seems to slip off Stu like water off a duck's back and it frustrates me that I cannot help. But, I do feel hopeful. It looks like they're charging us a ridiculous amount of tax which we shouldn't owe until next year (and probably won't owe since we are going to have an even lower salary than last year) and so the only amount we should have to pay is a little under $200, which we can pay if Stu gets a gig (and he's got two ready to go, just waiting on clients). So please pray that the $200 is the only amount we have to pay now (or that they give us grace and forgive it this time) and that Stu gets some paying gigs.

He needs some encouragement from an outside source, I think. Either getting gigs, or equipment, or just something to let him see that he isn't a failure and that sometimes, life is just hard.

I'm prepared for a hard life. I've had one. But Stu's had one too and he doesn't want to live that way anymore. I'm not really sure what to tell him - sometimes, people just have hard lives. Or, they have hard lives before they have it easy. Either way, it's going to be rough for a while. I think once we pay off the student loans and save enough money to get a new car, we will be doing better.

But that doesn't mean it'll get any easier. It just means hardships will be more bearable. Hopefully.

All that to say...I'm ok with where we are right now. Sure, it's hard to stretch one paycheck and sure, it's aggravating that we can't seem to do anything right, but we'll figure it out and by and by we'll be alright.

In the mean time, I shall write stories and become famous for my wildly inventive tales about a rockstar, a girl and a monster, and an alien family who hire a white trash au pair.

When She Was Bad

Feeling out of sorts...for no particular reason.

Ok, here are some reasons:

1. Walmart has discontinued my recycled-paper hardback notebook that I use specifically for my Secrets Journal.

2. I want to take Stu to see Despicable Me but because of having exactly $0.00 fun money this month I can't (but I WILL take him next month!)

3. S.C. is trying to tax Stu's business $1330.00 because we didn't know we had to pay in quarterly (but they are charging us for stuff we bought in N.Y. with money we got back from taxes THIS year. So hopefully we'll only owe a few hundred dollars. Pray, please)

4. When people gang up on me (or when I feel like they are) I get defensive, which makes me crabby.

5. I feel like people don't listen to me or take my advice. (Not that they have to, but I'd like to at least be acknowledged)

6. Work is about to get crazy (although some of it will be fun crazy) with school starting back.

7. I still have dishes in the sink.

8. My house is a mess (continually).

9. Parker keeps drinking bowls of water and then bouncing around and then spitting it everywhere...but I didn't see the last puddle because it was on the rug and I STEPPED IN IT. ...GROSS.

10. I am not good at a) not complaining b) saying only nice things.

And now for the positive:

1. Stu has fallen in love with my chili recipe
2. I got some of the dishes done.
3. I got to see Roz Stanley and heard from my old roommate this week
4. Ruth, Jen and I got to exercise tonight
5. Stu's mom sent me a HUGE box of awesome clothes! And a new pair of tennis shoes!
6. Violet's Monster: Volume II is completely outlined
7. I can feel the muscles building in my body
8. I finally made a good pitcherful of hawaiian punch koolaid
9. I got to see Despicable Me (!!!), Salt, and Inception
10. Gina let us borrow 30 Rock season 1-3

So...yeah. Things are rough...but there are some nice spots inbetween.

Although I wouldn't be opposed to shooting something with a BB gun or having a date with the punching bag.

Cosmetology School is looking more and more like the direction I should go. That and probably photography. Both will end in well-paid job potentials and possibly future career(s) in theatre/television.

No Laughing

I've always hated being laughed at.

I love making people laugh, but when I embarrass myself by dropping something or saying something stupid and people draw attention to it, I feel like I need to run before I fall to pieces.

I have learned to turn the joke on myself a lot of times, so I have gotten better about deflecting the laughter, but last night I had a dream that brought that hateful feeling back.

I was in a crowded room somewhere, (looked like a lodge at night) trying to explain something to the crowd. I counted on my fingers, "four, five, six!" and the whole crowd erupted in laughter at something. I realized they thought I had made a mistake and went on to clarify, but nobody would listen, they were all laughing so hard. I stumbled away and ran into the shadows to hide myself so nobody would see me cry.

I hate that feeling.

AdventureLand

I'm reading a new children's fantasy series, the first of which is titled, "The Key to Rondo". It's by a female author from Australia (I don't get to read much Australian fiction besides Garth Nix, so I was pretty excited upon finding that out!) and I'm very curious about how good it will be. Usually I don't read a book that was written after 2000 for a while, because a lot of new stuff is, quite plainly, crap. So I wait it out and see which books actually make the "must-read" lists. This one's from 2007, so we'll see.

I also just finished reading the first book of the Ga'hoole series by Kathryn Lasky, and although I've read some of her other work (and enjoyed it), this stuff is new. But it IS in an imaginary place completely, and she created her own genre of fantasy (I call it fowl fantasy), which is brilliant. So I have high hopes for that series.

I don't always wait for books to get old - whenever there is a new book by Kate DiCamillo, Cameron Dokey, or Sharon Creech, I find it as soon as possible and consume it, but these authors are consistently good writers and I've read their older books.

So, in "rare" cases (once a month) I'll try someone new, but oftentimes, if it's a newer book, I am disappointed in either the quality or content of the story.

I believe it's because I grew up on children's fiction written mostly between 1955 and 1980, and my favorite book was actually published in 1941, so I have a taste for that older style of children's fantasy - Lloyd Alexander, C.S. Lewis, Betty Brock, Natalie Babbitt, Joan Aiken, Kenneth Grahame, and Margery Sharp. (I must also plug the author of Freaky Friday and A Billion For Boris - Mary Rodgers. However stupid the newest remake of the movie is, the books are riotously, wonderfully funny)

Other older children's books I enjoy:

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIE) by Ian Fleming
Detectives in Togas (translated from the German) by Henry Winterfeld
The Mona Lisa Mystery by Pat Hutchins (and continuing stories of those silly school children)
The Light Princess by George MacDonald (Also, the Princess & the Goblin/The Princess & Curdie)
The L. Frank Baum Wizard of Oz books (several people continued the stories but his are the merriest)
Jack and Jill by Louisa May Alcott (my favorite book of hers!!)
The Emily trilogy by L.M. Montgomery
The Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Time Quartet by Madeleine L'Engle

So you see, newer books have a LOT to live up to. I do discover new gems at times, but then I find older books that are just as good or better that I haven't read yet.

What I really wanted to talk about, though, was the sense of adventure you get in these books - a world wide open, where anything can happen (especially in the Oz books), and where a lot of people are good, evil is routed, and everyone returns home happily at the end.

These new children's books (and here we jump into broad generalization) are centered around things we know - urban fantasy is the new fantasy genre. Where authors would invent a new world or creature, today authors rely on whatever is trending - vampires, zombies, and werewolves, set in the real world, with whiny kids who suddenly realize one of their relatives was a powerful such-and-so and they have the power to defeat the zombie lunch ladies after all.

I'm not saying that's a bad way to write, I'm just saying...I wish there weren't as many authors who relied on trends, and what I really mean is that I wish publishers would take a chance with new authors instead of picking those who stay true to trend. I'd much rather read Toad Triumphant by Kenneth Grahame than the Goosebumps series any day. And believe me, several authors grew up reading the same books I did. The material's there.

I will say that while Violet's Monster: Volumes I-III partially take place in the new world...there are several trips to another place (no spoilers!) of questionable reality. The Chronicles of Narnia are the same way (and I'm not comparing myself to Lewis because I'll have to write 100 years before I come close to being as brilliant as he was), so there is definitely something to say for that plot device, but it just seems as if authors have lost imagination and only write what they know, instead of writing what they can know in their imagination.

J.K. Rowling is a good example of a newer author who wrote in an older tone - Harry is taken to a new, magical place, has adventures, but still visits 'the real world' from time to time, all the while preparing to fight it out with the big bad of the series and learning an important lesson on the way.

I think we as humans have lost our ability to have adventures (lack of money and time, mostly) and that is why a lot of us turn to fantasy, which I think is why we need more than just urban fantasy. I would love to escape to another planet for a while. Why not? Why stay here in the city and watch monsters invade when you can go to Perelandra and meet those awesome aliens??

Anyway. Just doing a lot of thinking about that lately.

Post Secrets

It's amazing how much better I feel after writing in my secrets notebook.

Cooler Than Me

I just found out that my sister is being commissioned to paint. Her artwork is lovely (a tiny resemblance to Georgia O'Keefe's work), and she's spent a lot of time in lessons honing her craft.

Ethan has become a chef, a writer of poetry and short stories, and a guitar player.

My brother, Andrew, (the youngest) is earning money by teaching piano, which he just picked up a year ago. And trust me, he's already amazing.

While I'm really proud of my siblings...it really sucks to be the least talented sibling.

I'm working on a painting right now, and it's embarrassing to see how much I've lost in the last few years. I have lost any small talent I had with it. I can't take ballet or ice-skating or horseback riding, and I'm not even getting harp gigs anymore.

It hurts to see my siblings becoming successful artists while my talent rots.

I feel like I can't do anything any more. I don't have much talent to start with, and that coupled with my already unprocessed emotions and seeing friends do what they've dreamed of...well...I feel like I've wasted my entire life.

Slow Processor

First of all, I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to have my birthday off and spend some time ALONE. I have been getting more and more stressed as my 40 hr/wk job continues week after week, and even though I love it, I have definitely started noticing that I needed a break. To get away from it all. To step away from people for a while and take a deep breath of fresh air.

I spent half the day in bed, partially because I have been getting sick (wheezing, runny nose, bleary eyes, fever) and needed to rest, but partially because it was my birthday and I could afford to sleep in until 3 if I wanted to. It was blissful!

Then I made some chicken corn chowder, ate it, and headed off to the library. While this may seem unusual for someone wanting alone time, the library is full of people I don't know and therefore don't have to interact with. Again, peaceful. I spent hours perusing the bookshelves, finally taking home about 15 books on dollhouses, fashion, cartooning, and some fantasy books. Ahhhh...

A visit to Olive Garden was in order since we had a gift card (Thanks, Rachel!), and I was able to get my favorite birthday treat of all - cheesecake! Olive Garden has amazing white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, and we were able to eat in comfort while the storm raged outside and the power flickered inside, to the consternation of the wait staff.

We were going to go to a movie, but of course my luck ran out after dinner. The two movies I wanted to see at the $2 theater were the only ones not showing b/c of technical difficulties. Figures.

So then I went home. Stu left to hang out with a friend, leaving me to soak in the introversion time that I had needed for months.

I must spend more time alone. It bothers me that I need so much of it now, but it's probably because I'm at work all the time. If I don't get my alone time, I can't process, and if I can't process, I have very, very crazy emotions, and when that happens, I turn into She-Hulk. So I'm grateful I had the day off and away from everyone, mostly to prevent a drama of epic proportions!

Sadly, another day off is not in sight, at least until Thanksgiving. Our weeknights and weekends, though spent with friends who are lovely to spend time with...it's busy and still affords no introversion time. I guess I should practice some meditation techniques so next time I have this problem I won't rip someone's head off. :/

And yes, the title of this post has a point. I am a very slow processor, emotionally. It takes me a long time to sort out my emotions, which is one of the reasons I keep my Secrets book. It's a great way for me to process, especially if I don't have a lot of time to myself. Other ways that I process are scrapbooking, listening to music, or watching a movie that matches my emotional tone. (If I need to cry, I watch Phantom of the Opera, Beauty & the Beast, or a Pixar movie; if I need to rid myself of anger, I watch Enough or some equally violent film; if I'm sad but don't feel like crying, I watch a Jane Austen movie or Buffy) These things take time too, so in order for me to process...well it just boils down to the fact that I need to schedule introversion time.

Oh, for the days when I'll be barefoot on the deck, swinging in my hammock while I listen to the birds as I think about what costumes I'll be designing for a TV show. :P

Things to Accomplish Before I Go

There are certain things I'd like to do before I die. While heaven will be AWESOME (I'm really hoping for a Pegasus, dinosaurs, a harp ensemble for praise & worship, and a DVD collection of The History of the World), there are some things I'd like to do down here while I wait. Some of these have been on my list a long time, and some I have just discovered. I'm thinking about these today, wishing that I was an almost 23-year-old with money. Maybe next year, when I'm 24, I'll be rich and famous. One can dream, right?

1. Ride a horse across Mongolia with my brother Ethan - trips like this actually exist. And, surprise! They cost around $3,000. I did not expect them to be that cheap. It's a two week trip across Mongolia on horseback, for intermediate riders (comfortable with canter/gallop). It ends in a Festival. Um, YES?!?!

2. Skydive - I've wanted to do this for a while. I live for that few seconds of free-fall feeling.

3. Host SNL at least once - I know, I know, but I'm dreaming. Dreaming is free.

4. Learn to write with my left hand - This has been going on for a while. I just figure it will be useful somehow.

5. Go on a road trip out West - this might happen sooner than my next birthday. One can hope!

6. Go scuba-diving. That's right. Snorkeling would be neat, but Scuba-ing is where it's at.

7. Live on a houseboat for a season (fall? spring?). Yes, I'm perfectly serious. I've also wanted to do this for quite a while.

8. See the Spanish Riding School perform in Vienna, Austria.

9. Walk the El Camino de Santiago (or similar pilgrimage path) in Spain.

10. Own a really amazing tire swing. Again, that flying feeling is what I live for.

These are just 10 of my 30 things I have on my list (and I'm sure there's another list somewhere with different things on it!).

I guess I can work on writing with my left hand while I wait for money to do all the other things...

Really?

I just finished watching Serious Moonlight, starring Timothy Hutton, Meg Ryan, Justin Long, & Kristin Bell. It was in independent film with limited theatrical release in 2009.

First: Don't watch it if you're sensitive to violence or the f-word or being taken advantage of.

Next: Timothy Hutton is a great actor; so is Justin Long. Even Kristin Bell. But why are people so crazy about Meg Ryan? Maybe it was just this role that I didn't particularly like her in.

Last: If you're going to write about a husband and wife and have a happy ending, DON'T RUIN IT WITH A TWIST.

Gah. ESPECIALLY THAT ONE.

I'm not going to write spoilers, but I doubt anyone will want to see this film, or like it after they've seen the ending. I was very happy to watch the beginning, and even though there were scary parts, I though it was a good movie...until the last minute or two.

It's a great study of couples, men/women psychology, and how marriages fall apart. And how they can become something beautiful again. It should have been a pretty, quirky film about two people who have fallen out of love and through crazy circumstances, fall back in love.

But no.

And they explained away the twist...there was no need to further explain!

Argh. REALLY?!?!?!

I was really hoping I'd like that movie. :(

Potterhead

I am a self-labeled Potterhead. I'm sure there are other fans out there much more obsessed than me, but I do some things that a crazy fan will do, including (but not limited to):

1. Dressing in the Hogwarts uniform to attend a midnight premiere
2. Drawing fan art
3. Discussing HP with anyone who's read the books
4. Have the books/movies (except for movie no. 5, which was awful so I refuse to own it)
5. Have HP dreams (more than once)

All that to say...I have been drawing more Harry Potter fan art.

I drew an elf today, a ginger-haired one wearing a striped "Weasley Is Our King" t-shirt. My caption is, "Even elves love Harry Potter".

I also drew a girl being sorted (sitting on a stool whilst wearing The Sorting Hat, awaiting her house placement).

And of course, I drew an Emo "I <3 Snape" fan the other day.

2 drawings in one day? I better draw quickly and see what else comes out from my pencil.

Today I'm using mixed media - markers, felt-tip pens, & colored pencils. I haven't used my crayons yet, but they're here. Just in case. :)

Not A Kid Anymore

*Groan*

Eating hot pockets, pizza rolls, and oreos over the course of a few days has reminded me that my tummy has gotten years older and now must be taken care of with fresh fruits and veggies instead of instant pudding pie. :/ Ugh. I do not feel good.

That aside, I'm feeling a tug back towards Violet's Monster: Volume I (which I have shamefully neglected) so I shall attempt a few chapters before my inspiration thins.

I'm still a kid in most of my likes - children's books, movies, activities, etc.

Trying to find the line between "childish" and "childlike," and I think it's important to keep that childlike attitude in a lot of areas.

But not with my stomach. While Oreos are tasty, they do not make a good breakfast (note to self).

*holds belly and trundles off to find something to calm it*

Draaaawin'

I said the title in a Southern accent (in my head).

*ahem*

Now on to the actual post:

I am drawing! Huzzah! I've surprised myself by attempting (and sometimes succeeding) to draw several things over the past few days...some days, it's on, some days, it's off, so I guess I should draw everyday and see what the pattern is...:P

I've drawn: Catwoman, a Snape fan, a mysterious cloaked figure, a design for my Fall 2010 line (haha), and a girl with wings (bat wings).

Maybe reading Batman comics and Harry Potter (just started the first one...again...) have something to do with these?!

After scrapping several dozen sketches (sigh...that's my least favorite part of drawing...so often it doesn't work out!), I have these that turned out nice. I'm hoping to add to the pile.

I think my artistic talent (what there is of it) comes from my grandmother. Watching her draw beautiful paper dolls and then the amazing clothing for them was inspiring. She has such a talent, but unfortunately she's never used it for anything (that I know of) besides those paper dolls. That whole family is like that - we have an oil painter, a drawer, and a mixed-mediums artist, and a photographer, and although I think 2 of them got pretty well-known in their areas, my grandma and her sister never did anything with the talent they had. It saddens me to know that the world missed out on their beautiful art.

That's why I keep all my drawings in a little folder. Just in case. You never know when somebody's going to want to look at what you got, right? I take it around most everywhere (most days), and flip through them, and sometimes weed out the not-so-good ones (they go in a drawer usually), hoping for that one day when someone sees my artwork and tells me I can/should do something with it.

I can't really do cartoons - I can never draw the same thing twice. Believe me, I've tried. That's why I stick with Paint when I want to do comics. :P

It may be a talent that I never get to use professionally; I draw for weeks sometimes and then a month or two will pass before I remember how much I like using felt-tip pens and colored pencils.

But I love it. I love pulling something out of thin air and figuring out which colors work together and seeing how tiny I can make the details.

And yes, using the Bamboo is fun - I wish I had a more reliable computer and that I had a class to teach me all about the Adobe Elements software it came with. But I shall learn it on my own and I've really enjoyed it so far. There are a few things that turned out pretty good.

All that to say, if you have a talent, even a small one, exercise it. If you write, do it whenever you can! Keep a sketch journal if you draw, or if you like arranging flowers, try your hand at arranging the wildflowers you found on your walk. Just keep doing what you have a talent for, and it will grow. (I'm hopeful, anyway!) And it's always fun to try something new, because you never know...you might be good at it!

Not sure where that pep talk came from...it's more a reminder to me to keep doing what I know how to do, and maybe someday I can get paid for it. :P

Have a good weekend, everybody.

Victor/Victoria

So we went to get pizza for dinner two nights ago.

I stepped in to order 2 pepperoni pizzas and was greeted with "Hello sir."

A few seconds went by and then the girl said, "I mean ma'am."

Sadly, this isn't the first time I've been mistaken for a guy.

I would say this is number 5.

(Although I admit, it always makes me giggle. There's just something so absurd about it. I mean, ok, I MIGHT have features that could be male/female, like my nose, but how can you not notice that I'm related to Dolly Parton?! :P Just saying.)

Wrench

So somehow in my exhausted brain last night, I realized something.

We probably can't move to Seattle in February if we are driving.

Reason? The weather. (Duh. Don't know why I didn't think of it before!)

I remember what winter is like in Kansas, and we definitely cannot drive through that!

...I wanted to go in the Spring, anyway, so we may have to push it back to April or May (which would be good because then I could finish out the school year for Cynde).

Anyway...pray about this with us. We are strongly considering moving to Seattle, but everything will have to come together - jobs, moving, new vehicle, money, etc.

In other news, I'm still exhausted. Melatonin cannot compete with bright lamps and late hours for the hubby, apparently. But I felt it working last night, so maybe tonight I will get some sleep.

Hello, Seattle

So, through praying and talking and reading about this, Stu and I are very seriously considering moving to Seattle, Washington at some point next year.

I'm not saying we WILL, but it is looking more and more like that might be the case.

I am so very excited!

I will really, really miss everybody in South Carolina, which will be the hardest thing for me besides having to say goodbye to our wonderful church, but we do know 2 couples who are moving to Seattle this year as well as the church plant we'd like to be involved with, so we won't be completely alone.

Things I am excited about:

1. A SUPER LONG ROAD TRIP ACROSS THE U.S.! I cannot express how excited this makes me.
2. SEATTLE!!! I love the West Coast.
3. Living with friends (who want to get chickens!)!!!!
4. Theatres!
5. Ministering in the LGBT community!!!
6. WONDERFUL WEATHER! (High summer temp. of SEVENTY-FIVE)
7. The OCEAN! (Puget Sound, baby)
8. Being close to British Columbia (T.V. jobs?!)!!!
9. Possibly being able to go to Con-Con next year!! (LEVERAGE!!!)
10.FRESH SEAFOOD!
11. Being closer to EDWIN AND ELANOR LIN!!!

Ok, ok, enough excitement for one day. I have a ton of writing to get done (I set myself a goal of: 1 post about my Star Trek RPG character, 1 chapter of My Life As A Rockstar, and 2 chapters of Violet's Monster: Volume I. I'm hoping that by setting a high goal for myself, I'll actually get ONE of them done. Or maybe two. :P)

Anyway...please, please, please pray about Seattle for us, as well as jobs and a new vehicle...we are looking into getting a station wagon (finally, a vehicle for the harp!).

Stay Tuned.

Chapter Five Arrival

I made it! I made it to Chapter Five of Violet's Monster: Volume I today!!! Huzzah!

Ok. Now I must see how fast I can write one more chapter so I can send it out and maybe get some replies next week!

This is very exciting.

Sleepy

Not enough sleep last night, but definitely better than other previous sleepless nights.

I had a lot of fun yesterday writing a character for a Star Trek RPG we're trying to set up over e-mail (if any of you want to join, please do...right now we have 2 or 3 interested people but we'd like 2 or 3 more...)

My character is a half-Vulcan, half-human named Ember. The human side of her is 100% Irish, so, you can imagine how that reacts to the Vulcan side of her. Ember O'Shaughnessey is...quite interesting to write. On the one hand, she is very logical. But take a step too far and...well, the Irish part will get you. :P I LOVE IT!

I should try drawing her today.

Still trying to write more of Violet's Monster: Volume I. I may take a break and write some of My Life As A Rockstar. Or I might watch some SNL. Hopefully I can do both!

Is it naptime yet?

Peace

Finally...SLEEP!

Stu and I both decided to go to bed at 10 p.m. last night so although I woke up a few times (once to see Stu's sleepy foot sliding down the end of the bed to make a *smack* sound several times in succession...it was weird), I went back to sleep more quickly than usual and I am so AMAZED at how much energy I have after getting 6 hours of sleep! (That's about right for me)

PRAISE THE LORD! (Seriously)

Ahhhh...blissful. This is truly wonderful.

(I'm pretty sure that no lamp, early bed-time, no food right before bed, and not watching TV right beforehand helped A LOT. I will try to remember those)

Anyway,

I wanted to write a little bit about where I am with Violet and some other things that have been going on...

I have tried and tried to make a front cover for Violet and have failed (so far). I know what I want but getting it onto paper has been frustrating. So I shall keep trying.

I am in the third chapter, currently (in the 5th draft, there are 17, so I am 18% of the way through! Yeah!), changing the order of events up a bit (faster pace, more suspense, etc.), and re-wording a lot. Thank goodness I'm not just starting from scratch. Ugh.

I am trying to find music to help write...so far, it's been a mix of certain songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events; Peter Pan; and Speedracer. (I love soundtracks. So much.) I might put in a little of Doctor Who (free song available for download!! ), and something else...maybe Finding Neverland. We'll see. I have my iPod on shuffle for now and it's alright, but I need to make a playlist just for Violet so I can set the tone.

I'm liking where this draft is headed. It's definitely a little darker, definitely deeper, and less whiny. So that's good.

I'm also going to have an incentive for myself to keep going - once I finish the first five chapters, I'm going to send them out to whoever wants to read/critique for me, and then I'll keep writing while everyone peruses. That way I have some critiques for the first five and people will know whether they want to read the whole book or not once I finish this draft.

Although I better keep it small - don't want the entire FB world to read it before it's published! :P

I'm also considering writing chapters of My Life As A Rockstar here and there, as small breaks between Violet re-writes. I've also got to get a basic plot going for my NaNo novel, Mae: The Intergalactic Au Pair. So that's exciting.

Also, I have been washing dishes! :) That's not that exciting until you've seen my kitchen (shudder). So now I have to figure out a day to clean out the fridge and clean the microwave/counters so everything is nice. I just want a nice, clean kitchen.

I am doing things little by little. The living room and bathroom get cleaned the most, and the music room is staying mostly clean. Gotta pick up some of my art stuff I left lying around, but that's about it. I guess the bedroom is next.

Still working on making a summer scrapbook (need more paper), and wishing I could work on my dollhouse. Maybe once I get into a routine of house-cleaning I'll feel like I can sit down and work on it.

I've also got some altered clothing projects in the near future - I found a long grey t-shirt that I'm going to alter (the top of it) so I can make it into a shirt dress and wear it with a red belt, black leggings, and dress shoes. Yay!

Still need to work out times to do photoshoots, but I am pretty excited about them!

Haven't had time to play with my Bamboo Pen & Touch, but hopefully since Stu is done editing the wedding videos I can play with the Bamboo and the Mac (WOOHOO!!!).

Also...I've come up with a music video idea that I will be scripting out in hopes of Stu wanting to film it with me. :) It is going to be filmed to one of my favorite songs: "Everyday Superhero" by Smashmouth.

YES.