Things had been going smoothly with my family. I'd talked to my mom on and off for a few weeks now and everything's been great. We've had fun catching up and planning what we'll do when they're down here, and I was really looking forward to having them stay with us.
Not anymore.
And it isn't even my mom's fault this time.
The little brother that I had helped raise, the one who I thought would understand me, the one I thought would always love me, has turned into the nastiest, cruelest, most uncaring creature.
I'm trying to convince myself that it's just hormones, he's 12, he's trying to find his place in the family system, and I'm sure that is part of it.
But part of it is, nobody told him that he needed to be kind. No one stopped him when he was younger to tell him he couldn't do or say mean things because he could hurt other people. We just laughed and thought it was funny.
And now we're paying for it.
Beside the skinning squirrels and having a biology lesson (which I can put down as curiosity and science), there was the hate speech about my sister (who he likened to 'trash'), my brother, and my likes/dislikes. We had a heated debate about books which really wasn't too bad (except that he just repeats what other people say about books I love, and adores books that are complete...poopy), but then he proceeded to try to impress me with how strong he is and how he could knock down anybody in a fight. I reassured him that I was still wider and stronger and that I could take him (I was saying this in an older sister, ha-ha sort of way), but then he told me he'd beat me up when he saw me.
Since when has it been ok for boys or men to threaten beating?
I got off the phone shortly thereafter and have been a wreck ever since. I've cried and cried and I had to tell my friend that came over that I'd been in a fight with my brother, lest she think Stu and I had been in an argument.
I am wounded to the very core. I wrote mother a long note and told her that someone needed to take him to task for how unkind and hateful he is, before it's too late.
I'm afraid of another family drama, but honestly, if he comes down here with that attitude, I'm liable to smack his face off.
What happened to that sweet little boy that wanted me to read to him while he sat in my lap?
What horrible things has someone done to him, or what horrid things has he been doing to others?
I can't even begin to imagine.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Bye-bye, Story
Well, I did it. I wrote a story that I love for the Highlights Fiction Contest, and I'm sending it off today. I learned some things while writing it and I'm kind of up in the air over whether I even want to win or not.
On the one hand, it'll look good on my resume once I begin looking for agents (if I win/Highlights wants my story). I've only been published once and this would be one step closer to me feeling better prepared when I start querying for Violet's Monster.
On the other hand, I REALLY like this character (mostly her name). I'm kind of wishing I could send something else in so I could use this character in picture books. (If they accept my story, it becomes property of Highlights)
So...there's that wrestling inside me.
I've also learned I can't write jokes. Apparently I'm not funny joke-wise. Funny situations? Sure. I can do that. Joke-writing, however, is not for me. At least, not yet. More practice, maybe.
I also learned that it's great to have odd knowledge. My love of pirates came well into play in this story and it shows - I know what a longboat is, I know how to write about a prow, the stern, etc. I know ships. So I guess I need to keep reading about random stuff that interests me. Score.
The other thing I learned is that to be this precise requires a lot of time. For me, anyway. I had to think about the story for a while, and I knew about this contest in...November. I just wrote the story a few weeks ago (about 2 or 3). I just finished proofreading for the last time yesterday.
I had to make sure that my story was 750 words or less (cut it down to 680...pretty proud of that!), and I could not include violence, derogatory humor, or crime. And...it had to be about an embarrassing situation.
So I had to deal with all of that and figure out what I wanted to say about embarrassment and then somehow put that into a situation where it didn't sound cheesy, and...whew. It was one of the most difficult writing assignments to date! :P
Anyway. I'm sending it off today, hoping for I don't know what. Do I want it back with a rejection slip so I can make it into picture books? Do I want to win $1,000 and have a story published in a children's magazine? I don't know.
But I really love this story and I think it deserves a chance. No use waiting around while I try to write my other fifty books. :P
On the one hand, it'll look good on my resume once I begin looking for agents (if I win/Highlights wants my story). I've only been published once and this would be one step closer to me feeling better prepared when I start querying for Violet's Monster.
On the other hand, I REALLY like this character (mostly her name). I'm kind of wishing I could send something else in so I could use this character in picture books. (If they accept my story, it becomes property of Highlights)
So...there's that wrestling inside me.
I've also learned I can't write jokes. Apparently I'm not funny joke-wise. Funny situations? Sure. I can do that. Joke-writing, however, is not for me. At least, not yet. More practice, maybe.
I also learned that it's great to have odd knowledge. My love of pirates came well into play in this story and it shows - I know what a longboat is, I know how to write about a prow, the stern, etc. I know ships. So I guess I need to keep reading about random stuff that interests me. Score.
The other thing I learned is that to be this precise requires a lot of time. For me, anyway. I had to think about the story for a while, and I knew about this contest in...November. I just wrote the story a few weeks ago (about 2 or 3). I just finished proofreading for the last time yesterday.
I had to make sure that my story was 750 words or less (cut it down to 680...pretty proud of that!), and I could not include violence, derogatory humor, or crime. And...it had to be about an embarrassing situation.
So I had to deal with all of that and figure out what I wanted to say about embarrassment and then somehow put that into a situation where it didn't sound cheesy, and...whew. It was one of the most difficult writing assignments to date! :P
Anyway. I'm sending it off today, hoping for I don't know what. Do I want it back with a rejection slip so I can make it into picture books? Do I want to win $1,000 and have a story published in a children's magazine? I don't know.
But I really love this story and I think it deserves a chance. No use waiting around while I try to write my other fifty books. :P
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Who Am I?
I was telling Stu the other day about stuff I loved to do and things I wished I still had the time/money for. One of those things was ballet. When he asked me why I hadn't pursued it, I told him that since my feet are flat and my ankles are turned in, I would have had to undergo major surgery in order to learn toe, which is a punishing art to learn - hours of standing on toes that are blistered and bleeding from the concrete in the shoes (it looks beautiful, but it is only for someone completely dedicated to ballet!).
That got me thinking. There are some things I simply can't continue because of money - art lessons, craft lessons (basketry, scrapbooking, etc.), and so forth.
But then there are those hobbies that could never be 'real' careers - dance, ice skating, even music.
I have mediocre musical talent. I'm grateful for what I have, but having been tested I can say I am completely average in musical ability. I will never excel to a professional or prodigious level. I'm simply not cut out for it. I can muddle along at weddings but I don't believe you'll ever see me as a serious performer. I simply am not that person.
I can't ice skate or dance because of my ankles and my body shape (I'm simply naturally built to be husky. Which I don't mind, really, as I am proud of how strong I am).
But that gets me to thinking...is that God's way of pointing me in the right direction? He let me enjoy all those things and learning all of those things, but they aren't right for a career. I can continue to take lessons and enjoy them (when the money comes) but because of who I am physically, I can't go be a jockey or prima ballerina or the next ice queen.
What I can do, however, is WRITE. I can create ice skaters, ballerinas, jockeys, and detectives, I can write about people who fly planes, deep-sea dive, and find buried treasure, and I can write about people who make it to the big screen or work on a television show.
Writing is an exercise...I can continue to learn and be a better writer by 1. reading (my absolute FAVORITE!) and 2. writing, writing, writing.
All I need is pen and paper, or a computer, a typewriter, or a voice recorder.
I don't need money or a certain body shape/physique to create stories that point to a generous and loving Creator. All I need is practice. Lots and lots and lots of practice, research, and dedication.
I think I can do that.
That got me thinking. There are some things I simply can't continue because of money - art lessons, craft lessons (basketry, scrapbooking, etc.), and so forth.
But then there are those hobbies that could never be 'real' careers - dance, ice skating, even music.
I have mediocre musical talent. I'm grateful for what I have, but having been tested I can say I am completely average in musical ability. I will never excel to a professional or prodigious level. I'm simply not cut out for it. I can muddle along at weddings but I don't believe you'll ever see me as a serious performer. I simply am not that person.
I can't ice skate or dance because of my ankles and my body shape (I'm simply naturally built to be husky. Which I don't mind, really, as I am proud of how strong I am).
But that gets me to thinking...is that God's way of pointing me in the right direction? He let me enjoy all those things and learning all of those things, but they aren't right for a career. I can continue to take lessons and enjoy them (when the money comes) but because of who I am physically, I can't go be a jockey or prima ballerina or the next ice queen.
What I can do, however, is WRITE. I can create ice skaters, ballerinas, jockeys, and detectives, I can write about people who fly planes, deep-sea dive, and find buried treasure, and I can write about people who make it to the big screen or work on a television show.
Writing is an exercise...I can continue to learn and be a better writer by 1. reading (my absolute FAVORITE!) and 2. writing, writing, writing.
All I need is pen and paper, or a computer, a typewriter, or a voice recorder.
I don't need money or a certain body shape/physique to create stories that point to a generous and loving Creator. All I need is practice. Lots and lots and lots of practice, research, and dedication.
I think I can do that.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Moments
I had a lovely day today.
-met a roly poly puppy who ran up to me for some love and sat at my feet while I scratched behind his ears
-talked with Josh about stories
-got woken up early this morning by a kiss from Stu
-ate a homemade granola bar (courtesy of Stephen) and drank a glass of orange juice for breakfast
-enjoyed a free lunch in the quiet of the office
-created a poster that made me and my officemates laugh aloud
-played around with the Bamboo tablet and realized I had drawn Napoleon Dynamite as a superhero (or supervillain? I'm undecided)
-Got to act out part of Princess Bride (the book) to my friend Esther
-Am now cozily sprawled across the mattress couch with a blanket over me that my mom made
...it's been a good day. :)
-met a roly poly puppy who ran up to me for some love and sat at my feet while I scratched behind his ears
-talked with Josh about stories
-got woken up early this morning by a kiss from Stu
-ate a homemade granola bar (courtesy of Stephen) and drank a glass of orange juice for breakfast
-enjoyed a free lunch in the quiet of the office
-created a poster that made me and my officemates laugh aloud
-played around with the Bamboo tablet and realized I had drawn Napoleon Dynamite as a superhero (or supervillain? I'm undecided)
-Got to act out part of Princess Bride (the book) to my friend Esther
-Am now cozily sprawled across the mattress couch with a blanket over me that my mom made
...it's been a good day. :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Taffeta Jones and the Slippery Doubloons
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT STORY I'M SENDING IN FOR THE HIGHLIGHTS FICTION CONTEST!!!
it will include:
-pirates (the main character is Taffeta Jones)
-a mermaid
-treasure!
-a lesson about embarrassment
Also, I now have an illustration idea...so I'll make a cover for the story and give it to my brother when he gets here. :)
YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it will include:
-pirates (the main character is Taffeta Jones)
-a mermaid
-treasure!
-a lesson about embarrassment
Also, I now have an illustration idea...so I'll make a cover for the story and give it to my brother when he gets here. :)
YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Writing Urge
Last night I was attacked by the writing bug. Unfortunately, I didn't do anything with it...I felt this overwhelming urge to write (it was REALLY strong) but I couldn't get anything down...I started a story once or twice but nothing was really coming.
So this morning I edited what I have of the newest draft of Violet's Monster: Volume I and worked out some background information that I've been needing, which actually turned out to be a really cool back story for the monsters in the world I'm building.
So today's goal is to get 1 new chapter of Violet's Monster: Volume I written. I think I can do it.
So this morning I edited what I have of the newest draft of Violet's Monster: Volume I and worked out some background information that I've been needing, which actually turned out to be a really cool back story for the monsters in the world I'm building.
So today's goal is to get 1 new chapter of Violet's Monster: Volume I written. I think I can do it.
Friday, January 7, 2011
TELEVISION!
There are some lovely shows I wish were still going:
1. Pushing Daisies (have seen most of its two seasons)
2. Ugly Betty (have seen seasons 1, 2, and 4)
3. Firefly (viewed all)
4. Arrested Development (viewed all multiple times)
5. Cavemen (have seen a few episodes)
Shows that I need to catch up on (those likely to be canceled end with a *)
1. Warehouse 13 (2...? seasons behind)
2. Fringe* (moved to the Friday Night Death Slot) (2 seasons behind)
3. Leverage (1/2 a season behind)
4. 30 Rock (JUST CAUGHT UP)
5. Chuck (1/2 season behind)
6. Psych (almost an entire season behind)
7. The Office* (if they DO continue after Michal Scott/Steve Carrell's departure, I probably won't be too happy...they've gone six seasons and only had one bad one. I say quit while you're ahead...and I've seen all but 1/2 season)
8. Glee (1 or 2 volumes behind)
9. Dexter (haven't seen any of the current season)
Shows I'd like to watch eventually:
1. Big Bang Theory (watched 2-3 episodes)
2. How I Met Your Mother (watched 3+ episodes)
3. Castle - I watched this at first but it's a little lower on my list to catch up on. (watched 1 1/2 seasons)
4. The Lone Gunmen (haven't seen any - it's on my Netflix queue)
5. Venture Brothers (cartoon - and I'm a season or two behind)
6. Dragon Hunters (cartoon - haven't seen any; Netflix queue)
Shows that I am watching regularly:
1. Project Runway (have seen all seasons, currently waiting on it to begin!)
2. 30 Rock (have seen all episodes)
3. Saturday Night Live (have seen all but the last episode)
Shows that I watch semi-regularly:
1. The Conan Show
Shows that I watch whenever I see they're on TV:
1. Lie to Me
2. The Real Housewives of ________________ (Preferably not Atlanta...)
Shows that aren't on anymore that I still watch/have the DVDs:
1. X-Files
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3. Angel
4. M*A*S*H*
I think there's too much television in my life...:P Or, I should be working in television. Either way.
1. Pushing Daisies (have seen most of its two seasons)
2. Ugly Betty (have seen seasons 1, 2, and 4)
3. Firefly (viewed all)
4. Arrested Development (viewed all multiple times)
5. Cavemen (have seen a few episodes)
Shows that I need to catch up on (those likely to be canceled end with a *)
1. Warehouse 13 (2...? seasons behind)
2. Fringe* (moved to the Friday Night Death Slot) (2 seasons behind)
3. Leverage (1/2 a season behind)
4. 30 Rock (JUST CAUGHT UP)
5. Chuck (1/2 season behind)
6. Psych (almost an entire season behind)
7. The Office* (if they DO continue after Michal Scott/Steve Carrell's departure, I probably won't be too happy...they've gone six seasons and only had one bad one. I say quit while you're ahead...and I've seen all but 1/2 season)
8. Glee (1 or 2 volumes behind)
9. Dexter (haven't seen any of the current season)
Shows I'd like to watch eventually:
1. Big Bang Theory (watched 2-3 episodes)
2. How I Met Your Mother (watched 3+ episodes)
3. Castle - I watched this at first but it's a little lower on my list to catch up on. (watched 1 1/2 seasons)
4. The Lone Gunmen (haven't seen any - it's on my Netflix queue)
5. Venture Brothers (cartoon - and I'm a season or two behind)
6. Dragon Hunters (cartoon - haven't seen any; Netflix queue)
Shows that I am watching regularly:
1. Project Runway (have seen all seasons, currently waiting on it to begin!)
2. 30 Rock (have seen all episodes)
3. Saturday Night Live (have seen all but the last episode)
Shows that I watch semi-regularly:
1. The Conan Show
Shows that I watch whenever I see they're on TV:
1. Lie to Me
2. The Real Housewives of ________________ (Preferably not Atlanta...)
Shows that aren't on anymore that I still watch/have the DVDs:
1. X-Files
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3. Angel
4. M*A*S*H*
I think there's too much television in my life...:P Or, I should be working in television. Either way.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Christmas Special & Water-Shaper: Many Thoughts
I just watched the Doctor Who Christmas Special.
Once again, Stephen Moffat has made me cry, laugh, be amazed, awed, horrified, and scared all in under an hour. I don't know how he does it. I shall have to watch it again to catch completely the cleverness and the lovely dialogue, but at first watch it might be one of my most favorite Doctor Who episodes to date.
I also just finished reading Water Shaper by Laura Anne McCaffrey. I had previously read her first novel, Alia Waking, and was surprised to see how wonderful her first novel was (I do not believe your first novel will always be crap - if you have a wonderful editor, your book could be amazing - see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling, The FolkKeeper by Franny Billingsly, and Water Shaper by Laura Anne McCaffrey) and...wow. Her second book is a) quite different from the first in many ways, b) even better (which I wasn't sure if that was possible, as it is her second), and c) left me with a cloud of thoughts I haven't had since...well, since reading novels like The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi or The Giver by Lois Lowry.
I once heard someone say (Oscar Wilde wrote the line), "The good ended well and the bad, badly. That is what fiction means." I think what that says is that we don't like uncertainty in stories; we have so much of it in real life that we adore 'happy' endings - the prince gets the princess, good triumphs over evil every time completely, etc.
Except that isn't real life.
Laura Anne McCaffrey does a wonderful job retelling some old Irish/Welsh/Scottish legends mixed in with her own story, of a cowardly story-teller named Bird and a would-be courageous but often uncertain heroine. I hate uncertainty. I'll be the first to tell you if I don't like the way a book ends, I continue the story in my brain until it resolves to my satisfaction. I like ending things neatly and tying everything together, but again...that isn't real life.
I was unsure of what was really happening while reading the first half of McCaffrey's book; the 'hero' seems too good to be true (which he is) and I wasn't sure what to think of the cowardly yet intriguing young man who wanted the king to fail in his vow to bring about complete and good change to the kingdom.
The heroine I could definitely identify with - she longed for somewhere to fit in. She didn't fit in at 'home,' being a half-blood; but when she reached the Sea she found its people did not accept her either, and her once-protector only wanted something from her.
In the end...she didn't find the perfect place or perfect man to live the rest of her days out perfectly.
It irks me, but I respect it. I see that McCaffrey doesn't want a young reader to think that life will always end so beautifully and neatly, and that life is a messy, if sometimes wonderful thing.
I loved the rest of the book. I wish one more thing had been nicely resolved at the end, but there, I know myself and the romantic I am. I shall just continue the ending to my satisfaction and enjoy the beautiful and haunting story about story-telling and finding your place in the world that is Water Shaper.
Once again, Stephen Moffat has made me cry, laugh, be amazed, awed, horrified, and scared all in under an hour. I don't know how he does it. I shall have to watch it again to catch completely the cleverness and the lovely dialogue, but at first watch it might be one of my most favorite Doctor Who episodes to date.
I also just finished reading Water Shaper by Laura Anne McCaffrey. I had previously read her first novel, Alia Waking, and was surprised to see how wonderful her first novel was (I do not believe your first novel will always be crap - if you have a wonderful editor, your book could be amazing - see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by J.K. Rowling, The FolkKeeper by Franny Billingsly, and Water Shaper by Laura Anne McCaffrey) and...wow. Her second book is a) quite different from the first in many ways, b) even better (which I wasn't sure if that was possible, as it is her second), and c) left me with a cloud of thoughts I haven't had since...well, since reading novels like The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi or The Giver by Lois Lowry.
I once heard someone say (Oscar Wilde wrote the line), "The good ended well and the bad, badly. That is what fiction means." I think what that says is that we don't like uncertainty in stories; we have so much of it in real life that we adore 'happy' endings - the prince gets the princess, good triumphs over evil every time completely, etc.
Except that isn't real life.
Laura Anne McCaffrey does a wonderful job retelling some old Irish/Welsh/Scottish legends mixed in with her own story, of a cowardly story-teller named Bird and a would-be courageous but often uncertain heroine. I hate uncertainty. I'll be the first to tell you if I don't like the way a book ends, I continue the story in my brain until it resolves to my satisfaction. I like ending things neatly and tying everything together, but again...that isn't real life.
I was unsure of what was really happening while reading the first half of McCaffrey's book; the 'hero' seems too good to be true (which he is) and I wasn't sure what to think of the cowardly yet intriguing young man who wanted the king to fail in his vow to bring about complete and good change to the kingdom.
The heroine I could definitely identify with - she longed for somewhere to fit in. She didn't fit in at 'home,' being a half-blood; but when she reached the Sea she found its people did not accept her either, and her once-protector only wanted something from her.
In the end...she didn't find the perfect place or perfect man to live the rest of her days out perfectly.
It irks me, but I respect it. I see that McCaffrey doesn't want a young reader to think that life will always end so beautifully and neatly, and that life is a messy, if sometimes wonderful thing.
I loved the rest of the book. I wish one more thing had been nicely resolved at the end, but there, I know myself and the romantic I am. I shall just continue the ending to my satisfaction and enjoy the beautiful and haunting story about story-telling and finding your place in the world that is Water Shaper.
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