Inspirations

I've been drawing a lot today...finished some sketches I'd been working on and I drew two new ones.

I've been thinking of topics for my new blog and one of them is my inspiration - what styles have inspired me? What movies/comic books/children's books? Whose illustrations have made me want to continue drawing?

I can see a little bit of Miyazaki in my drawings - as well as Dr. Seuss.

It's interesting to see what I've taken in have such an impact on my artistic output.

I'm planning to visit the library and get some books on how to learn techniques for the tablet, as well as just some oil/acrylic paint books, and...loads of inspiration.

Kinuko Craft, Brett Helquist, and Sophie Blackall are definitely inspirational.

Possible New Blog

So I've been having a blast using my Bamboo Tablet this week...it's the first week I've figured out how to turn off Inkwell (stupid MAC program) and actually draw...

This last picture I drew, "Hook and Wendy," turned out pretty cool. It's the one I'm most proud of at the moment.

I was thinking about New Year's Resolutions today and I want to do things that are a) practical and b) possible.

One of them is simply increasing my exercise routine from 3 days a week to 4. That means 30+ minutes, 4 days a week, instead of 3 40 minute workouts. I've been working out 3x a week for over a year now and I've lost 10 pounds, but I've got about 15 to go.

That's the most boring one.

The others are a) practice music every day (harp every day and piano every other)
b) Write every day (at least 200 words on a writing project - probably novels)

and

c) draw every day.

I used to believe that I could only draw 1 week out of the month. Yet, here I am learning to use my Bamboo Tablet. So it is probably that I am more able to concentrate and use my artistic ability that one week, but it's possible to draw some good stuff at other times during the month.

So, logically, if I keep practicing every day, I will get better. I can read tutorials, practice, and watch animated movies (YES!) to see how they do that awesome stuff.

And then I thought, "Of course! A blog!" I'm going to delete some of them (not this one), so hopefully I'll only have 3 that I will have to regularly post on - my harp business site, this one, and my drawing one.

Hopefully it will help me complete my goal of drawing every day (posting finished products, inspirations, tutorials, etc.). Anyway. I'm going to set it up on Wordpress, and now I get the lovely task of coming up with a name.

I came up with a name for my Design Logo (haha), my novels, and countless blogs, but this one is proving difficult.

Anyway.

I'm pretty excited about it and I anticipate beginning on New Year's. We shall see how this goes.

My favorite drawing bloggers are:

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

missedconnectionsny.blogspot.com

Stu's friend Jake (I forget the name of his blog)

Axe Cop (agian...forgot the name/address)

Another Favorite to Add to the Collection...

I made a list of children's movies this morning. I was looking at a list of all movies (starting in the 20's or 30's, I think) that were marketed to children. I wanted help remembering which new kids' movies I'd seen that I wanted to end up buying. (Pixar is a certainty so I wasn't looking for those)

I noticed that in the 80's and 90's, there were SO MANY great children's movies. I mean, you had the first Land Before Time, Fievel Goes West, Charlotte's Web (cartoon) and some great Disney movies (Beauty and the Beast).

Then we hit a MAJOR slump in the 2000's. Just recently (as in the last two years recently) we have had a lot of great children's movies. These are on my list to purchase (along with most of their soundtracks):

The Tale of Despereaux (different from the book but as a standalone film, it's beautiful)

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs (not sure how it differs from the book but it is an excellent film)

Coraline (liked this BETTER than the book. *GASP*)

Fantastic Mr. Fox (...maybe liked this one better than the book too!!! *GASP GASP* They just added in a lot of flavor and some great storyline stuff! The book was a children's book but they turned this movie into a children's epic)

Monsters vs. Aliens - just a cute, cute movie with a great message

Despicable Me - arguably the best movie of the year for me...SO SO GOOD.

How to Train Your Dragon - also a beautiful, beautiful movie based off a book.

And now...

I just finished watching Dragonhunters, which is based off of a European cartoon that did not have much success on Cartoon Network here. Probably because it was awesome. And gorgeous.

Anyway. The movie is instant view on Netflix and besides a really odd way to end (good ending but odd how they didn't explain it...but again...it's European), it is FANTASTIC.

The scenery - GORGEOUS.
Characters - FABULOUS. AHHHHH I already have fanart in mind. !!!!!!!!!!
Story - A perfect fairytale.
Music - AWESOME. (Thank you, Klaus Badelt, for not getting grumpy about Hans Zimmer stealing your awesome pirate music. YOU TOTALLY ROCK!)

Agh. So good. I might watch it again this week. SO SO GOOD.

I still want to see MegaMind and Tangled, both of which have gotten rave reviews from everyone. Pixar has taken a back seat the past few years...they're always amazing, but...I really, really appreciate little teeny studios making brilliant movies too. :)

Hallelujah, Mary and Max, Character Questionnaires, and Sadness

Today I'm in a bit of pain so as usual, I'm not the happiest of campers. My monthly visit from Aunt Flo tends to make me feel depressed and since I'm out of Vitamin B Complex at the moment I'm just going to be sad for the week. Thankfully, I'm looking forward to Christmas on the weekend, a service at Apostles, and a visit to my grandmother for her birthday.

Today, however, is cold and dark and lonely. I tried to play something cheerful (Ponyo on the Cliff) but Pandora keeps bringing back really melancholy music - like Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright. Beautiful song, but very, very sad.

I watched a stop-motion film that a friend suggested (some friend! haha) and...oh, great. Now "Imagine" is playing. BOO, Pandora. Anyway. Some friend who knows I like stop motion and bittersweet stories suggested this Australian stop-motion. I should have known better. NEVER EVER EVER EVER watch Australian stop motion. Nothing is sacred. Which I suppose means I shouldn't watch Australian movies, as they are probably the same. Or at least, the television programs there. Anyway...it was just TRAGIC. Nothing redeeming, although it tried very hard. Yuck.

I did find some happy things to do today - I downloaded some character questionnaires and am skipping a few steps in the Snowflake Method in hopes that it will be sufficient to distract me from the pain, which, I gratefully add, is not as bad as I was expecting. Praise to the Lord for this huge blessing. (I mean that)

I'm going to try some acupuncture massage tonight in hopes that my 1 Christmas party and our last D&D campaign of the year won't be complete disasters or canceled due to my Aunt Flo's hatred of my body.

Now if I can get through this week and record some harp music for Christmas presents, I shall be infinitely grateful.

Dream On

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyN7F51g0Rs

BEST DUET EVER?!

I think so.

Congratulations, graduates.

Congratulations, students who are finished with another semester.

Merry Christmas.

LET THE HOLIDAYS COMMENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book of Hours

As I've talked about before, I am fascinated with the medieval period of history and have decided to make my own 'book of hours' excluding some things, adding in others, really just making a companion piece to a Book of Common Prayer. This will be more individualized, as in:

1. I did research today and chose at least 1 saint for each month to put in my 'book of hours'. I'm not going to pray to them, they'll simply go on a Saints' Calendar and I'll have interesting facts about them and try to emulate their good qualities. (Inspiration) I might also celebrate their feast days (St. Lucia's Day, Dec. 13, is a holiday in Sweden and they celebrate it wonderfully!).

2. I picked 4 Psalms to put in, instead of the Fifteen Psalms of Degrees and I have yet to pick my four portions of Gospel. I'm thinking of putting in some of my other favorite NT readings instead, as in something from James, Philippians, I John, and Hebrews.

3. I have included several different types of prayers - some to pray on the Anglican rosary, some from the Book of Common Prayer, and some from famous people (Jane Austen, for one). If I find a prayer-like section in a piece of literature that I love, I'm not opposed to adding that as well.

I'm not including an Office of the Dead or prayers to Mary or Saints, but I absolutely adore the idea of having a personalized, illustrated (as far as my capabilities allow) devotional that I can use with The Book of Common Prayer and my rosary (which I have yet to make), or use by itself.

I will be illustrating it in the medieval method (large capital letters, miniatures, portraits of saints, etc.), but I will be using materials like gold paint for the 'illumination' part of the script. It will still look beautiful!

I've been reading about how to make your own and I think I can do it. Some creme colored paper, a nice thick cardstock for the cover (folded around cardboard), some pretty marbled or patterned scrapbook paper for the endpapers, a ribbon for a bookmark, and my felt tip pens will be used to illustrate (after sketching). I can't wait to get started!

Now if only I had a prayer bench.

Childhood Behind Me

So I didn't mean to complain yesterday. I think this situation will turn out for the best, although I'm horribly hurt that the new woman in accounting decided to stick her nose in my business and protest my working here. Will I make new enemies every year?! This makes no. 3, although I have made peace with one of my nemeses. Thank goodness. So that's 1 down, 2 to go. Hopefully my more professional wardrobe and continued smiles and sugary flattering will end the other two. ;) Sheesh. It's so ridiculous.

Anyway...I think what I was feeling yesterday was that my last vestiges of childhood have been ripped away in one day. I had a student worker job and was still auditing class and hanging out with friends on campus and...but now I have a 'real job' and I need to be professional and be there early/on time and dress nicely and actually work on my being so socially awkward and introverted so that people won't think I'm a crazy person.

(not that I'm going to change who I am, but reading Tim Gunn's "Gunn's Golden Rules" has helped me see that in a professional environment, I need to behave professionally, and trailing off after half a sentence and not making eye contact is not very professional)

And that's not really what I wanted to say but I can't really say what I want to say. So for now, I'm going to leave it at that.

I don't really know what's next. I was doing alright in limbo, between things. I don't know exactly what my new expectations are, and I have to read and sign the rulebook now and...I'm really, really sad about having to give up the choice to drink alcohol.

Stu said, "But you don't even drink!" Which isn't the least bit true. I am insanely picky about the alcohol I do drink, but I like the stuff I like AND what's more important, I like having the option to drink.

Which is very silly of me and I can put up with no alcohol for the next few years while Stu goes to grad school. We can't have alcohol in the apartments anyway.

(Now that is some childISH thinking which I need to rid myself of - the sadness of losing something I don't even do on a regular basis to gain a greater job!)

Very Strange Day

I've had a very strange day and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I won't have time to process until next week when I'm alone at work, and...

1. I had several very strange dreams last night, one of which had my brother attempting to make me take these little white pills that swelled and closed off my throat so I couldn't breathe, and I felt like I was dying but he had to do it for some reason (to scare off someone?)...I felt really sad, not angry, but overwhelmingly sad. I went to bed last night not breathing well (I'm a bit overweight and my asthma's returned) so I'm pretty sure that's where the white pills (which looked remarkably like my melatonin pills) came from. But my brother?! I've had two dreams where he's killed me. Not sure what to make of that.

Of course, there was also ridiculous stuff in the continuing dream, like having to go to the public restroom to use a printer to print off something for work, and then jumping in a pool to play with a dolphin.

For the record, I ate Cheddar Sour Cream chips, some chocolate covered graham crackers, and drank a glass of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash a little bit before I went to bed.

So I woke up feeling very sad this morning, remembering the dream.

2. Then, we wait on the puppies to show up (they DID show up this year), but when they did, poop and pee were everywhere, and the one female was in heat so...it got a little awkward. Not the best organized event. :/ Pets, Inc. was great though and I already sent them a Thank You card. :)

So that was weird and strangely mixed (laughter and poo?) and then...

3. My boss tells me someone isn't happy that I'm a pseudo-"student worker" so my boss and her boss pushed for me to at least for the moment become permanent part-time (with hopeful full-time status eventually). This means I'll have fewer hours (just Tues-Fri), but I get vacation time, sick days, holiday pay, and a raise. So that's nice. But it also means I finally have to sign paperwork.

And while I don't mind going off alcohol for a few years...it was nice going out for my brother's 21st birthday. I guess God held up long enough on this blessing so I could enjoy that one.

I don't know. I am grateful that my boss fights so hard for me, and I'm grateful I will get 3 day weekends now (which I have desperately needed). I'm also very, very, very grateful for pay when I'm sick or on holiday, and I'm happy to get vacation time, since my family wants to take a week and drive to Kansas in the summer.

But something in the back of my head is flipping a warning switch and I guess I'm being cautious in case something doesn't turn out or...I don't know.

I just don't know how I feel today. And that bothers me.

Embarrassed

Well, I know what to write about for the HighLights Contest now.

I made the simple mistake of not warming up before last night's concert.

The rest of the performers were marvelous.

I managed to bungle every single piece I was in, even the easy 1-page arpeggio run.

I was also too quiet so no one heard me, which I guess is a blessing.

The choir director wouldn't even look at me afterwards. :/

The scary part is, I don't even remember playing after the first page on the second song. I draw a complete blank.

It's not like I was nervous. I was totally confident that I would do a good job. But somehow I didn't remember (amidst all the tuning and running over my second piece) to play a few chords and warm up my fingers, which had not touched the harp since Monday.

So I made a complete idiot of myself and was happy to escape into the night and sorrowfully try to put my puzzle together.

I can blame this or that if I want to, but it really all boils down to my not having it all together and arriving late and not doing my warm ups.

But it's too late now for wishes and it's over and I'll probably never be asked to perform in a school performance again, which I guess is something of a relief since this stressed me out so much in the first place.

...but it would have been beautiful.

I think that's what's bothering me.

Medieval Anglicanism?

Let me preface this by saying I am fascinated with everything medieval. I've read countless pages concerning this time period, mostly out of a fascination with the people and places of the era. Elanor of Aquitaine, Elizabeth I, Isabel I, Grace O'Malley the Irish Pirate Queen, Guinevere, and Maid Marian are all old friends. So it is with no surprise that an idea which has been softly treading the basement stair in my brain has begun to make itself known.

I remember reading of both Elizabeth I and Isabel I owning a "Book of Hours". It told which days were Saint's Days (and somewhat gruesomely, how they died), as well as holding a collection of prayers for individual use.

Attending Church of the Apostles has been a breath of fresh air - or rather, a step back into the mystery and wonder of a Creator who spans all time. Being in an Anglican church (and adoring every precious minute in it) has made me yearn for those symbols of faith which were much more common long ago - the prayer bench, the Book of Hours (and Book of Common Prayer), and the rosary.

I've been collecting prayers (from the Anglican Book of Common Prayer as well as other sources) for a few weeks now, but was a bit despondent over the lack of beauty in the black type and computer paper. Then I remembered what I had read about Elizabeth I and Isabel I. They had their own personalized prayer books.

Of course, Wikipedia was instantly consulted and I have been joyfully planning to make my own Book of Hours ever since. I know how to make books (and even have a handy hobby book with detailed instructions), so all that remains is to either find the perfect blank journal (which might become expensive) or make my own (which is the more attractive and probably cheaper solution).

I wish we possessed a prayer bench, a Book of Common Prayer, or a rosary, but alas, we do not (at this moment). However, it is my goal to make my own Book of Hours and my own Anglican rosary, in hopes that in time, a Book of Common Prayer and a prayer bench will appear.

Praying is the largest part of my spiritual life, and a Book of Hours with prayers that I could learn and use my rosary with to connect with my Creator would be phenomenal.

Mayhap this will be my endeavor over the Advent season.

Miyazaki & Hisaishi = perfect beginning to the weekend

Hayao Miyazaki & Joe Hisaishi are an incredible team. I've been listening to the soundtracks (on YouTube) for Spirited Away, Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, & Howl's Moving Castle, and they are phenomenal! I really wish I lived closer to Japan so I could pick these up for cheaper than $20 per CD. :/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkWSe4T4q9o&feature=related <-- Spirited Away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlxraNmZFR4&feature=related <-- Howl's Moving Castle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXaK_ycz-Rk&feature=related <-- Ponyo

Such beautiful movies, and such glorious music!

"Muchness"

The Mad Hatter: You're not the same as you were before. You were much more..."muchier". You've lost your "muchness".

Alice Kingsley: My "muchness"?

The Mad Hatter: [Points to Alice's heart] In there.

-From Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" (continuing the story of Lewis Carroll's character Alice from "Alice in Wonderland")

I love this movie so much. It relates to what I've been thinking about.

I was thinking about how many complaints I've had and wondering (just for a moment) if reading fantasy and watching magical stories come to life had anything to do with it, and if real life was ruined for me (ha, 'real life') because of that.

My immediate thought was that of course that wasn't true - the 'real life' I am frustrated with is one of mundane details - work (as in a strict schedule, not as in my actual job, which I like), taxes, groceries, cleaning, sleeping, etc.

The 'real life' I wish I had is simply one of travel, or quiet times spent with nature, or growing a garden or producing works of art in the form of books, paintings, drawings, knitting, sewing, or photography or dance or...

I mean, of course it would be amazing to be able to fly or be an active superhero or ride a dragon or Pegasus or be a pirate (romanticized, of course), etc. But all of those come with their own mundane details and honestly, I think we might play-act some in heaven (little children put on plays for their parents, right?), so I keep looking forward to that.

I guess what I want to say is wound up in gold and crimson and daring and tantalizing words like adventure and truth and beauty and space and sea and pirates, dragons, princesses and the like.

Reading about adventures IS taking part in them, and after I've read a good book, I have gone on a journey.

So fantasy hasn't ruined my 'real life'. I am simply tired of schedule and poor and bored. For now.

Which is one of the reasons I am writing books.

Here's to regaining 'muchness'.

Leverage + Buckeyes and Etc.

Last night I had a friend over to make this tasty treat:

Buckeyes

2 c. peanut butter
1/2 lb. margarine (or butter)
1 1/2 lb. confectioner's sugar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

We mixed everything but the chocolate together (reserving 1 c. of peanut butter for last) and then melted the chocolate on low and took turns dipping the buckeyes and then laying them on a pizza pan. Then, we shoved them in the freezer for about 45 (they should have been in there for a little over an hour but we couldn't wait!) and YUM! They are awesome.

Then we watched Leverage...which is GREAT this season (3). Every season gets better!

I'm still on my TV-watching hiatus, though. Watching 12 shows at once will 'splode your brain and then you have to recuperate. :/ Ooops.

I think part of it too is that it hurts sometimes to see people my age doing what I would have loved to do for so long, but I've sort of...given up on it. At least for now.

The things I would love to do with my life just aren't possible right now, and might not ever be possible. I might have to settle for a quiet, routine life, which makes me want to vomit, but I guess I have to learn that you can't have adventures all the time.

I don't mean to complain. We are finally almost to the point where one paycheck is just enough, and we aren't starving, and we have a lovely church and friends and the holidays are approaching, and...I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know.

But I'm starving for beauty and adventure and those seem very far off at present.

Once I practice harp and pick up dinner at Chik-Fil-A tonight, I might just come home and make a jumper and jacket for my teddy bear. And maybe watch Howl's Moving Castle for a bit of magic in my workaday world.

I miss being a superhero princess.