What Now?

Spent all day writing 15 pages of my graphic novel...

I HAVE COMPLETED WRITING MY 100 PAGE GRAPHIC NOVEL.

Now what?

I feel kind of lost. There's one more day to go in ScriptFrenzy but my story is done. Wondering if I want to do something for May or if I just need to concentrate on music next month (I've got 3 weddings for June, so that would probably be profitable).

I just got another idea for a novel (or indie movie...not sure what it is yet) so I could flesh that out a bit but I haven't done that for my last idea, it's just sitting in my idea folder.

Maybe I do need a break so I can go back in June and try to revise Violet's Monster: Volume I but I feel like I'm going to be crazy busy with weddings in June and won't have much time to write anyway so maybe I'll flesh these last two ideas out then.

Agh.

I kind of want to do some drawing, like a drawing a day or a project that takes a month to complete (30 Designs/30 Illustrations for a book, etc.)...

Or I could just read up on acting and start work on memorization.

Or...

yeah. Too many things to do. And I still have two ideas for paintings that I need to do plus finish up two drawings and do another horse painting.

No wonder I'm tired all the time...! :P

FREAKING AWESOME DAY

I'm pumped because two of my favorite things clashed gloriously together today.

1. Music - I 'discovered' Grooveshark (I'd been on Pandora for years, just now had the chance to check Grooveshark out) and have been making a huge playlist (99 songs and counting!)...mostly Danny Elfman's Alice in Wonderland soundtrack and all the Harry Potter soundtracks, with some of Wicked and Once More, With Feeling thrown in for good measure.

2. The Kindle app (I have the one for PC and Stu has the one for Mac) is INCREDIBLE. I now have FREE books by:

Jane Austen
P.G. Wodehouse
L. Frank Baum
George MacDonald
Kenneth Grahame
L.M. Montgomery
Louisa May Alcott
Robert Louis Stevenson

ETC. ETC. ETC.

Free books + free music = ecstatic Kate.

New Plan!

So I got to talk with a friend at lunch about what's been bothering me...going through a quarter-life crisis when life is stock-still for the moment has been doing 'wonders' on my health. AKA I need to just chill.

Anyway, while talking, I've realized that the only thing standing in my way is an education (or lack thereof). While I can't learn through school right now (since I don't want to go into debt before we start paying Stu's loans off), I CAN learn through free materials...like what's available at the library.

I now have 72 books on my list (I did NOT request 72 items, which the library staff would have hated me for), including several on acting. I'm also going to learn about photography, fashion, writing, knitting, crocheting, painting, ballet/dance, cooking, interior decorating, and miniatures.

...I know. I go a little crazy sometimes, but honestly, I'm interested in ALL of the above. There are too many choices!!! So my plan is to read up on all of them, try them out and see which ones I can do now.

As in, I can learn to act now. I can learn how to be better at cooking, photography, writing, knitting, crocheting, fashion and interior decorating.

Miniatures, painting, and ballet present more of a challenge (money-wise) so those I will do as I can, but for now, the free stuff.

I've thought over the past few months about starting a video blog with the eventual goal of going to auditions. It would require a lot of thinking, planning, writing, talking, and preparation, but the ultimate goal of being able to act is thrilling.

I'd work on a philosophy of acting (including what I would be comfortable/not be comfortable doing on stage/screen), memorizing monologues, reading scripts/plays, giving reviews, and interviewing actors/writers/directors (Stu and Roz, for starters) all in the build-up of say, a year from now, or six months from now, feeling better prepared and jumping at the chance to audition.

...I even have a catch-phrase.

This is a real plan I'm thinking of, but I keep getting cold feet because of the following reasons:

1. What if I come to the conclusion that I won't do things like kiss, curse, wear certain outfits/play certain characters on stage/screen? That could be limiting. (on the flip side, I'd only do projects I'm really invested/interested in...)

2. What if I'm NOT good at acting, even though I've been tested and, everything else aside, my talents are apparently leaning toward that?

3. What if I can't get jobs because of my body build/face/height/whatever?

4. What if I don't get into acting until I'm older/I can only play older parts? Where's the fun in that?! (Yeah, I don't really know what I'm talking about here...)

5. What if I just can't get acting jobs?

6. What if I need an education first?

7. If I haven't done anything about it until now, is it too late? Do I really want it? If I don't, where does that leave me?!

Oh, quarter-life crisis. How you make me obsessive and depressed.

So...onward with the quest of what-to-do-with-my-life-I'm-getting-old-I'm-23. :/

I'm going home tonight to cook something yummy, clean the house, and pack up the paintings/drawings for Uncle Leon. And then I shall probably watch Buffy as she tries to figure out the same questions I've been pestered with for the last few weeks.

Needs Title

So here I am, at the end of April, scrambling to get my last pages in for ScriptFrenzy. I'm not as behind as I was last year, but I'm pulling these pages slowly from my brain and it's painful. I have found that I MUCH prefer writing graphic novels over T.V. scripts...it's easier for me to picture, probably because I don't have to describe camera angles (which I know almost nothing about).

My story needs a title, though. I'm hoping Stu can help me. For now I'm just calling it "The Reinstatement of the Pony Express".

I've got 25 more pages to write in 4 days (including today) which means I probably need to write 10 more pages today...I've already written almost 5. Agh. But then at least it's only 5 pages a day for the next 3 days.

I really like this story. I definitely see where it needs some work (also hoping Stu will help me with that...), but I see that I am getting better at writing and that this story has potential.

So, that's nice. I've also gotten another idea for either an indie movie or a novel...we'll see. Right now it's a movie. So I can either try it for NaNoWriMo or save it for next ScriptFrenzy...

The big project this summer will be to finalize the plot for Violet's Monster: Volume I (I have 2 down almost completely) and just WRITE IT. Agh. So many drafts...it's getting into two digits now and I keep re-working it. I might have found a plot point that finally works (I am keeping the majority of it, but there's some major stuff that just isn't working), but I don't know...I go back and forth.

I'm glad for a creative outlet that's free, though. If acting or dance or painting were free, I would do those more. Would I give up writing completely? Probably not. My ideas scream at me if I take too much time away. I don't know though...does that mean I'm a writer or that my creativity is exploring this avenue for the moment? Not sure. I could act and do NaNoWriMo and ScriptFrenzy and be perfectly happy...couldn't I?

This is my eternal struggle...I think I want to act and I think I could be good at it, but...a) no schooling b) well that's it, really. No schooling. I don't feel prepared. I feel like I can't start unless I have a good base. IF I could find something to audition for here and feel prepared for it, I'd completely go for it (I think). So...if that really is the only thing holding me back...what are good options for training that don't require an expensive school? Anybody?

List of New Favorite Things

1. Beautiful rosary given to me by a beautiful friend.
2. Reading books on painting techniques.
3. The Reserve button on the myrcpl website.
4. Walks to the lake (even if allergens hate me).
5. Morning visits and afternoon visits from friends.
6. Preparing meals for friends.
7. Thinking of photography shoots and art projects right before sleep.

Shortly after Easter Sunday - Reflections

1. Great Easter Vigil will probably always be my favorite church service of the year - who doesn't love The Asperges and the Tintinnabulation?!

2. No matter how hard I try, there will always be relationship repairs.

3. Nothing beats eating wheat thins, reading about paintings and painters, and watching Buffy (specifically season 6). Perfect morning.

4. Depression continues to strike at the most inopportune moments, but at least I recognize it and can somewhat dampen its effects when around others.

5. Walking trails are my new favorite exercise.

6. Discovering that I need to refocus.

7. Figuring out that the things you've held onto might not be the most important things is earth-shattering. What does that mean? What happens to my dreams now? Who am I? What was I created for?

8. Alice in Wonderland (live-action) not only taught me how predestination and free will (maybe?) work together, it taught me how to answer some of the above questions.

9. Graphic novels do not write themselves. I now have 35 pages to write this week. I can do it. I can do it. I really can do it.

10. The new Doctor Who season is already kicking all sorts of...tush(es). Seriously, Steven Moffat, how much more crazy epic can you GET?!

Reflections - Palm Sunday

1. Repairing damaged relationships is hard, but it does leave me hopeful.
2. Spending a quiet hour in the woods does me more good than...I don't even know.
3. If I like an outfit, I'll find any excuse to wear it again and again...several days in a row.
4. I am glad for more maturity at times; and other times, I still want to stomp my feet and scream. Luckily, those times are fewer and fewer.
5. I think I might try art therapy.

Reflections - 4th Sunday in Lent

1. It's only a matter of time before your fair-weather friends leave you. There's not really anything you can do about it, so treasure your time and then let it go. It doesn't do to make a fuss.

2. You still have to hope that you'll find real friends. And when they do arrive, open your arms wide and don't hold yourself back. You'll miss something.

3. No matter how much you regret the things you didn't do in college, don't live with the regrets. Learn the lesson and live now.

4. The things that you thought were cheesy then make for good memories now. See above.

5. Real friends let you be.

6. People see what they want. Be yourself and at least you'll know who you are.

7. A good book can soothe any ache.