New Plan!

So I got to talk with a friend at lunch about what's been bothering me...going through a quarter-life crisis when life is stock-still for the moment has been doing 'wonders' on my health. AKA I need to just chill.

Anyway, while talking, I've realized that the only thing standing in my way is an education (or lack thereof). While I can't learn through school right now (since I don't want to go into debt before we start paying Stu's loans off), I CAN learn through free materials...like what's available at the library.

I now have 72 books on my list (I did NOT request 72 items, which the library staff would have hated me for), including several on acting. I'm also going to learn about photography, fashion, writing, knitting, crocheting, painting, ballet/dance, cooking, interior decorating, and miniatures.

...I know. I go a little crazy sometimes, but honestly, I'm interested in ALL of the above. There are too many choices!!! So my plan is to read up on all of them, try them out and see which ones I can do now.

As in, I can learn to act now. I can learn how to be better at cooking, photography, writing, knitting, crocheting, fashion and interior decorating.

Miniatures, painting, and ballet present more of a challenge (money-wise) so those I will do as I can, but for now, the free stuff.

I've thought over the past few months about starting a video blog with the eventual goal of going to auditions. It would require a lot of thinking, planning, writing, talking, and preparation, but the ultimate goal of being able to act is thrilling.

I'd work on a philosophy of acting (including what I would be comfortable/not be comfortable doing on stage/screen), memorizing monologues, reading scripts/plays, giving reviews, and interviewing actors/writers/directors (Stu and Roz, for starters) all in the build-up of say, a year from now, or six months from now, feeling better prepared and jumping at the chance to audition.

...I even have a catch-phrase.

This is a real plan I'm thinking of, but I keep getting cold feet because of the following reasons:

1. What if I come to the conclusion that I won't do things like kiss, curse, wear certain outfits/play certain characters on stage/screen? That could be limiting. (on the flip side, I'd only do projects I'm really invested/interested in...)

2. What if I'm NOT good at acting, even though I've been tested and, everything else aside, my talents are apparently leaning toward that?

3. What if I can't get jobs because of my body build/face/height/whatever?

4. What if I don't get into acting until I'm older/I can only play older parts? Where's the fun in that?! (Yeah, I don't really know what I'm talking about here...)

5. What if I just can't get acting jobs?

6. What if I need an education first?

7. If I haven't done anything about it until now, is it too late? Do I really want it? If I don't, where does that leave me?!

Oh, quarter-life crisis. How you make me obsessive and depressed.

So...onward with the quest of what-to-do-with-my-life-I'm-getting-old-I'm-23. :/

I'm going home tonight to cook something yummy, clean the house, and pack up the paintings/drawings for Uncle Leon. And then I shall probably watch Buffy as she tries to figure out the same questions I've been pestered with for the last few weeks.