1. Been thinking a lot about ScriptFrenzy (April). I've got a few movie ideas swirling around -- if I can figure out how to write in a movie format. I've got a romantic comedy (about roommates who accidentally live together so long they become "common-law" spouses in a legal mix-up), a revenge flick (girl tries to wreak havoc on the person who destroyed her family but has to face the vast differences between herself and her target), and maybe re-writing a past novel into a movie format. I'm leaning toward the revenge flick at the moment, in an attempt to exorcise the eventual mental breakdown I feel is inevitable. I need to spend next month actually plotting, although I did do an extremely basic outline for the revenge story...a notecard purchase may be in my future.
2. I've written letters to: old family friends (sort of like adopted family), my brother (2nd time) and an old friend in Knoxville. I've also written thank you/friendship notes (2?). I did receive a reply from my old friend in Knoxville, and I was happy initially but then I got to thinking about her life and mine and how they did not intertwine, and they probably won't ever again, and I let myself get sad about it. There are just some things we can never discuss. If she knew the person I really was, her mother would probably not allow her to speak to me again, and I have no idea what her reaction would be. She was brought up so legalistically that even I couldn't share my music with her growing up -- and that's saying something, since my music was limited to classical, soundtrack and oldies. I get afraid when I think she might see my Pinterest and my Harry Potter boards. And I know what that sounds like -- maybe we shouldn't be friends. But we really have a good time when we hang out -- we like a lot of the same things. Baking, crocheting/knitting, old movies, playing music, being melodramatic, making up stories...we had so much fun when we were kids. But now I've become so different that I'm not sure we can ever really be close.
...story of my frickin' life.
3. Stu and I are watching "Supernatural" and we just finished season 1. I would not recommend it unless you are into sci-fi/horror. Think "X-Files" but scarier. I don't know how I'm getting through them -- I'm not really watching the scary parts, I guess. I'm crocheting and reading my Kindle. The thing I like about it is the two main characters -- Sam and Dean. Their relationship is really wonderful to watch, and I'm impressed at Sam's emotional range as an actor. He's really young but already he's grasped the subtlety of tears in the eyes as he listens to his brother fall apart. It's incredible.
4. I've got a lot of Art Projects scribbled down -- I've got canvases and paints but there's this crazy deal in my head that the house has to be clean before I can spend time on art. Also, I feel like I can't waste canvas when we're barely making a living as it is. So I can't "mess up" which is ridiculous because you can never have a perfect painting and you have to allow yourself to make mistakes. So I'm working on that.
5. The other thing I'm working on is my anger. It flares up out of nowhere sometimes and shocks me -- where does all that rage come from? It hit me the other day...I fly into a rage when people cough (??), or sneeze a lot, or keep sniffing a million times and don't wipe their noses. This is ridiculous, and part of me recognizes that, but I could never understand where it came from -- until I remembered that my dad flew into a rage whenever we did that. So this pent up anger that burns in me when someone hacks up their lungs? Came from my dad. After I realized that, I stopped and closed my eyes, and let it go. I give that back to you, dad. I don't want to be like that. And I haven't been as angry. Still working on it, but if I realize what's causing the anger and know that it is ridiculous and that it is NOT what I want to be, it's easier to have a normal reaction. Like offering someone a tissue or cough drop.
Life is weird. Weird in a good way, and weird in a bad way. I don't understand it. But I'm working on my art journal and I hope to have it up and running (at least mostly) by the end of the month. Spent some time glueing and making collages in it last night and it was nice. Now to somehow spill out the ugliness inside so that it isn't constantly worrying my brain.
Looking forward to church tomorrow, and the start of Lent this week. I look forward to a season of quiet.
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