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I had two dreams last night with people in them who thought I was fat.

In one dream, they said to my face, "You're fat."

In the dream I remember, I was at Apostles (same people, different building -- we had folding chairs instead of the lovely pews) and I got in late.  It was a special occasion and I rushed to the front row.  There were seats saved but I thought the end one was free.  A grandmother and her grandson came up behind me to their saved seats, and I scooted out of the way, but they took their stuff and went to sit at the other end of the pew.

"Your seats are still saved!" I said.

The grandmother leaned down to one of her neighbors on the other side of the pew, who was also gesturing toward the empty seats.  "There really isn't enough room...she's quite a bigger girl."

I was mad.  I wasn't FAT!  I'm stocky, but not huge.  I was so mad that I started rearranging the chairs, and I managed to squeeze in one more chair beside me (after putting in three more chairs and realizing I was in the aisle so I had to put two back) so that they didn't have to sit next to me.

Also,  I think I was a bit of a giantess in that dream -- or else she just made me feel bigger and more awkward (bigger in that I was over six feet and proportionally stockier).

The funny thing is, last week I came to the realization that I should care (and most of the time, do care) waaay more about being fit than being slender.  I'm just never going be slender.  I have big hips, two bowling balls, ballerina thighs (which I'm proud of -- no fat on those babies!), and bigger upper arms (harpists always have bigger upper arms.  My shirt sleeves are tight up there).  I'm alright with that.  I'd much rather be fit than skinny.  Also, muscle weighs more, so I shouldn't worry about my weight too much -- as long as I'm fit and strong.

I have a belly pouch, sure, but it's nothing a little Tae-Bo won't cure.

Actually, my plan for the summer (hopefully it will come together, Lord-willing!) is to join a gym with a pool -- it's cheaper than a Y membership.  If Stu and I can swim 3x a week and I can do Tae-Bo once a week, that would be amazing.

...so now I have to find a bathing suit.  Luckily, 40's pin-up style beauties are in!