Kate's Miscellany Drawer

This is a jumble-y post full of thoughts, information, lists, and minutiae.  You've been warned.

1.  The most terrifying image in my head right now:

A running VAMPIRE BAT.  Did you know they could run, up to 5 miles an hour?!  YEEK!  (Doing some research for a writing project and of course I had to come across THAT little nugget of horrific information)

2. I'm still debating the whole writer thing, although at this point I'm just half-assing it ('scuse me!).  It's more of a "fine-whatever-I-guess-I-can-try-again"...I mean, what else am I interested in?  I don't think I'm a good writer, but I recognize a good story and I have lots of ideas that could turn into stories.  So as long as I'm learning and practicing, I could get better...right?  I'm planning out a novel to write before NaNo, but when NaNo hits I want to jump into something completely different, although at this point I'll have just enough material by November to start on this story.  SIGH.  (I'm really not in a bad mood about it -- dreaming and writing make me happy -- I think I just realized how much I have to learn and it's overwhelming at the moment)

3. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do vs. what I think I want to do/could be interested in doing.  My brain plays nasty tricks on me.  I love acting.  Don't know how good I am at it, but every time I see a behind the scenes I tear up because I'd absolutely love to be performing all the time.  But with no money and not many opportunities here, am I doomed to just act here and there when the opportunity arises?  I'd actually love to go to school for it.  But if I'm called to be a deacon (which I think I might be), does that mean I need to give up my acting dream?  Because I would.  In a heartbeat.  I would willingly follow a vocation where I got to help people (acting, to me, is making people feel and laugh -- another way to help people).  But am I giving up acting because I'm really meant to be a deacon, or is it because becoming a deacon is the apparently easier road (cheaper and I can start doing it now)?  This is the circle my brain whirls in night after night.  Not even remotely funny.  Meanwhile, there's the writing thing.  Is that a side project?  Should I switch it out for acting and be a deacon writer?  (Which is more feasible, in my mind)

4. I'm yearning to do some art projects.  I've got some time tonight (and the house is actually 80% clean so I'm not stressed out) so I may end up pulling out a painting to finish, or work on my Secrets Journal, or even draw some (also found and sharpened my colored pencils, which are my preferred medium).  I've got tons of ideas but I don't know how well my brain and hands will connect since I don't practice (just add that to the list of other stuff I won't practice -- music, writing, sewing, painting, etc.).  So I'm discouraging myself before I start.

5. My boss is leaving and I have no idea how they're going to replace her.  ...too much emotional turmoil there to dig around very much.  Suffice it to say she's the best boss of all time and I'm going to be very skeptical about a replacement.  (Which isn't fair, but that's life)

6.  Because I was flat on my back and didn't eat much for three days while I was sick, I managed to lose another pound (although I've been walking 30 min a night and eating really well too), so yay...down to 148.  I'm hoping to make it to 145 by the end of the summer so I can start to really tone up.  (I'm doing a toning routine 3x a week but it's short and I'll need something else in the fall)

7. I've noticed the beginnings of some rather unhealthy cravings...pretty sure it's because I don't know how stressed out I am about work/money/dirty house/relationships/calling/health/everything and my body processes by telling me it *really* wants to go to the Goodwill Clearance Center and blow money on clothes (I need to go through my wardrobe and clean it out first), or go buy a bunch of art supplies, or...buy something to...drink.  I don't drink (I have a 1 drink limit *if* I drink on a social occasion), but man, it's really tempting right now.  Just another sign to stay away.

8. I have an ugly mouth.  I need to work on it.

9. I need to take time out every day to process or else I'm just going to keep complaining and being frustrated by the same things over and over and, honestly, they don't deserve that big a space in my life.

10. I need more sleep.  We decided on going out to eat pizza last night (which I've been craving for three weeks straight -- another craving...ehmmm) and then when we changed our minds and decided to stay home, I almost cried.  Because I was TIRED.  (The rest of the night was lovely -- dinner took no time at all and it was scrumptious and made me feel much better than pizza -- and then I got a ton of cleaning done and got to reply to my letters)

Really, however, my life is much better than it was at the beginning of the year.  I'm seeing changes in myself that I like (being more responsible, making decisions, becoming more...real?), I'm eating and exercising well, I have had so many lovely opportunities already this year, and I'm learning so much at church.  It's been really wonderful.

Some days just drag me back into the cesspool of quarter-life-crisis and it takes me a while to pull myself back out.