The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

This is not a post about Westerns.

This month has been really rough for Stu. I've seen him go from ecstatic to depressed all in about twenty minutes. The consumption of chocolate, the hot flashes, and the cravings have made me wonder if perhaps Stu is pregnant. XD

All joking aside, neither of us are pregnant nor are we looking forward to whatever else life has in store for us. We are simply swamped with bills, work, and worry about what comes next.

One day, work is going well for me; the next day I'm told that my hours are cut. Stu's are getting cut as well and we simply can't afford to work so little. So he and I are both on the hunt for other part-time jobs. If I knew how to drive and we had two cars, this would be much easier. Although we'd probably be paying out way more money than we are now. So, I guess it evens out?

Rest assured, we will be fine until the end of the month.

The problems are these:

1. Stu wants a camera to start his video business
2. Stu's and my hours getting cut = we need new, better jobs, or other part-time jobs.
3. We are a little afraid that we'll owe on taxes. Do we have the money for that? No way. And, if we don't get taxes back, Stu won't get his camera for another year.
4. It's going to be hard to find jobs right now b/c a) Stu is in school and has a specific schedule and b) I can't leave this job until summertime. And by then, I'll have more hours and won't need another part-time job.

I would appreciate prayer for any/all of these. Stu is really struggling and as much as it doesn't bother me that we're broke half the time, it REALLY upsets him. I just don't think he realizes that while he's in school, things are just going to be this way. If we budget out everything and we're still coming up short, there's really nothing else we can do. Of course, we CAN do better at budgeting so I will be sitting down and going through everything to make sure we aren't throwing away money at anything, but...things probably won't get easier until he graduates. Then we can both find full time jobs and then at least our bills will be paid.

I have to admit that the prospect of a full-time job that eats away my hours chills me to the bone. It fills me with dread, just as the thought of living in Suburbia with 2 kids and a dog always has. I CANNOT BEAR to live an ordinary life. So for now, I'm content to live in poverty and dream when I can and create what I can with what I have. At least it's not "normal." How's that for being Pollyanna?

I've been watching more Project Runway and I think, "What would that be like? Would I enjoy that? What if I worked really hard for a decade and then entered? Would it still even be on T.V.? Do I want to work in fashion? It's all rather silly, isn't it? To be so earnest about something that...doesn't really matter. Does it matter? Maybe it does."

Back and forth, back and forth. These are the thoughts that keep me awake at night: If I had discovered my talents and worked on them throughout my teenage years...where would I be now? And what can I do with the time I have left?

I'm only 22 and I might have 60+ years ahead of me. What do I want to accomplish?

Nothing, my mind whispers.

And that is the plain and ugly truth.