My Dream

Last night's dream was so wonderful I'm still kind of heartbroken (ready to cry, really) that it wasn't true.

I dreamed I was in California, entering a mansion.  There were lots of green, growing things around it and when I stepped inside, it was shadowy, cool and open.  I went up the staircase and looked out the back panoramic window and saw someone swimming in the pool.

I explored the upstairs, and found a room full of doors -- old doors, doors being painted, doors being made, doors being re-finished.  White and wood, for the most part.

When I went downstairs, I met up with Robert Downey, Jr. in his blackface from Tropic Thunder.  We were doing an indie short together, along with Benedict Cumberbatch, who was going to be Raymond's brother from Everybody Loves Raymond (or at least he was practicing the voice, which he was really good at).

We got set up and we were the three leads.  It was sort of an improv thing too, although we knew the gist of what we were doing.  The extras showed up (including a lady with extremely curly red hair -- might have been Catherine Tate) and we dimmed the lights and stood around the island near the kitchen, laughing and talking (we were at a party in this scene, obviously).

It was one of those times when everything felt exactly right.  It was cozy and warm, with twinkling lights, laughter, and the work at hand.

After we were done filming that scene, we stayed together and kept talking and laughing.  I opened up and told them the role I most wanted to play -- Alina Starkov in the Shadows & Bone adaptation.  I listed the qualities we shared in common (strength, determination are the only ones I remember) and the yearning I felt to play that part.  I thought I'd be good at it.

They encouraged me, saying that since I'd done this short (with Robert and Benedict), I'd have a little more experience and now I knew people out here.  They were so kind and helpful and I felt as if the world were opening up for me.

And then I woke up and realized Benedict and Robert's kindness was only a dream and I have almost never felt so heartbroken.