Being Alice Cullen

This title actually makes sense with what I'm about to post, trust me. It's one of those double-meaning titles that will take me a while to describe, so if you're bored, please do read on. :)

This weekend we went to North Carolina so Stu could be a groomsman for a guy he's been friends with since high school. I have met a few of Stu's old friends and I find them all to be wonderful, hilarious, goofy people that I would hang out with of my own choosing. Good to know we have similar taste in the company we keep. :)

Anyhow, I had a predicament. What do I wear? Stu's got a rented tux [*whistles*] but I...have not unpacked all of my [2] fancy wedding outfits. [they're basically the same dress, one is just a solid color and one is a print...they're both amazing though, and comfy!] I couldn't find either of them [having packed them together, of course] so I wandered around the house wondering if a long skirt, short skirt, pant suit, or another combo I hadn't thought of would work.

I decided to check out what was in the closet of my craft room. Mom had given me some of Nanna's old gowns [ok, my sister is about 5'9" and weights about 120 at the MOST so I don't know why Mom thought I would want them! Perhaps for costumes for plays/movies but...who wears a size 2 at age 20+?!?!]. I recalled one of them being "too big for her" which meant it would most likely fit me. How humiliating.

I opened the closet and grabbed a navy dress. Ooops, wrong one. Too silky. Ugh. Definitely one of Nanna's dresses. I searched through the other outfits and finally saw the other navy one. I pulled it out and gave it a once-over. Not bad...

The top of the gown wraps around the neck and so no cleavage/chest area would show. Check. I had a bra that I could strap that way so no one would have to see hot pink straps next to the navy. Check. The gown was navy with a brighter blue glitter. Interesting...I liked it. The back was WAY lower than I normally wear but I'd much rather have a low back than a low top so...I grabbed the dress, stuffed some blue dress shoes in with it and a box [a chocolate box] of jewelry with it and off we went.

My hair is in the Alice Cullen hairstyle, not really on purpose. I just happen to love pixie haircuts. Plus, whatever people may say, Alice Cullen is pretty awesome. So I don't mind.

This is where the Alice Cullen part of this post comes in.

None of Stu's friends have ever seen me with long hair. They've seen me with very short hair, always, after my awkward-teen stage. After the braces. After the horrible glasses. After all the yucky growing-up stuff happened. Stu's friends met me as an adult.

I am prettier now, I think, than I've been since I was 6 [I was a cute little kid. Then I just got awkward looking. I have pictures]. I'm not really too conscious of it because it's a weird, unsettling feeling so I don't dwell on it but...I think Stu's friends think I am good-looking. Or at least, I don't think they think I'm ugly, which is how I felt all the time growing up. I was pretty sure everyone was like "Ew!" every time they saw me. Not a fun way to become a teen.

Anyway, Stu's friends just seem to think I look nice. Which does wonders for my self-esteem, let me tell you. It makes me feel much more confident and open as a person and I was surprised that upon meeting some other friends of Stu's, I had lost all my shyness and, in fact, was talkative, outgoing, interested, and excited about meeting new people. Such a weird thing. Especially in my dress. I felt like a movie star. I had all pearl jewelry, the dress, and high heels...my hair was nice and I had put a teensy bit of makeup on [a touch of foundation...purple eyeshadow and mascara. That's about it.] and it was like...None of these people think I am unbearable to look at.

It was a revolutionary thought. I did feel a little like Alice Cullen.

The reason it's a two-fold meaning is because a) I did FEEL like Alice Cullen because I was in a gorgeous dress and I know I looked at least nice. A beautiful gown that you know looks good on you is a great thing to have. Take note, ladies. :) The second meaning is b) Although I did tell people things about myself...no one there knows me. I'm a stranger, and one who can choose what she tells people, instead of having her looks speak for her [or prevent her from speaking. I had suffered from crippling shyness as a child]. So, people took me at face value. Here is a young married woman who has a beautiful dress, a handsome husband, and looks, actually, quite nice.

Although the reception was ruined for me by my Aunt Flo visiting me and screeching so loud at me that I had to leave...it was a magical night because I realized that although the outward appearance doesn't really matter in the long run [at least, to me]...sometimes it's nice to know that people don't hate having to look at you.