Worth It

Most days, my tiredness isn't worth what I was doing the night before.  Recently, especially. 

Tossing

Turning

Nightmares


Dread

Horror

Numbness


How can you sleep with all of that floating around?  You can't.  So I don't.

But last night was totally worth it.

A long time ago I thought someone was upset with me over who-knows-what (I have a hard time with social cues, and don't really know how to handle emotional issues well, so sometimes I just don't know what is going on).  I saw her less and less and I hadn't seen her for over a year.  I missed her.  But I didn't want to press her into spending time with me when she so obviously (to my mind) didn't feel inclined. 

But, over New Years', I realized I'd lost contact with people who meant a lot to me - friends from Tennessee (who are tired of me saying, "I'll get there eventually!"), friends who are now overseas or across the country, or friends here that I just haven't taken the time to meet with (which doesn't mean I don't try or don't want to).  And I decided that I should change that.

People like me need meaningful connections, even if we don't consciously realize how important they are/should be to us.  So it takes more of an effort on my part, but when it pans out...it's lovely.

So, I invited this friend and her sibling over, but didn't hear back from my friend, so I assumed just her younger sibling would be coming, which was fine.  But then I learned that my friend was coming along, which threw me into a perfect tizzy.

My stomach was doing flip-flops.

Were we about to have a confrontation?  Would we have a blast?  Would we talk about not seeing each other, or just avoid it?  What was she feeling?

They arrived and we began chatting -- we chatted for a long time, about movies, books, music, funny online videos...then we settled down to watch New Girl (which is always entertaining and adorable) and then we talked some more, watched part of A Very Potter Musical, and then played Scrabble.  We ate popcorn and peanuts, homemade fudge, we drank cherry limeade...and I think everybody had a really nice time.

And they both hugged me tight.

I don't hug people a lot.  Mostly because I think people wouldn't want hugs from me.  But I really, really love hugs.  They're my favorite.

They left at 1 this morning and I'm hopeful we'll spend more time with each other.  I know my friend is quite busy (music director at church and works retail full time), so maybe that's all it was...I can't really know.

But staying up late to spend time with them both was definitely worth it.