Peace

Life is strange.  There are so many times where I think the world is falling all around me and then, in the midst of it, a strange peace descends and I feel...like Someone is working behind the scenes on something.

I'm loving being in Arsenic and Old Lace.  I've been practicing talking like an old lady, gesturing like an old lady, walking like an old lady...and I found some old lady shoes to wear.  I'm not quite where I want to be in terms of always having the voice down, but I'm excited that in a little under a month we will be performing in front of an audience!  I love practice because I get to step outside my head and into someone else's.  I get to make people laugh.  And I get to play.

I'm writing a script for ScriptFrenzy and this is the first time I've ever done a serious amount of work.  I surprised myself and hit a roadblock today but read some comics for a while and came back to it and eventually worked my way up to seven pages (which Stu thinks is impressive -- but I'm used to writing thousands of words for NaNoWriMo so I don't think it's that amazing).  I'm right on track to write 120 pages in April.  I plan to print it out, put it away for a week, and then do two solid weeks of research, editing, and talking with Stu about it.  And then I'm going to beg a few people to do a read-aloud with me and get their reactions.

I'm losing weight -- I was almost up to 160 pounds a few months ago (January?) and I've managed to work my way down to 151.  Ideally, I'd like to go down to 135 and then tone up to 140.  I don't care how much I weigh really, but I want to be pretty fit.  I'm also eating less carbs and more raw food.  I am still working on getting rid of extra sugar and fat but since it is summer my brain's back to its "too-hot" routine -- I mostly feel like it is too warm to eat anything but cold stuff, like fruits and veggies.  So that will help.  I'm also walking/running a mile a day.  I'll walk a quarter mile, run a half mile, and then walk another quarter.  Stu and I are at the gym Monday-Saturday, a mile a day.  I'm down to a 17 minute mile and Stu's around 18.  My goal is to end up being able to do a 12-minute mile.  (Some of this directly relates to The Hunger Games...just a wee bit)

All that to say, life isn't perfect -- I've had some serious talks lately, and been worried about my job and my brother, and I've gotten upset and I still feel incredibly lonely at times -- but underneath all that mess is a peace that encompasses everything and lights it all up so that it doesn't look as dank and depressing as it usually does.

I think maybe I'm doing things that actually feel right.  Acting feels right.  Writing scripts feels right.  And when I'm doing those two things and actually feeling good because I'm sleeping at night and I'm exercising -- life doesn't look so bleak after all.