My dad and I have been exchanging e-mails that made me hopeful - I thought we'd progressed to a point where we could share our emotions and frustrations as well as our goals. I got really excited (which I have a bad habit of doing, apparently) and shared with him how I felt about the Harry Potter series, how it made me feel when my family hated those when actually the books are inspiration for my writing, and I felt like maybe he would listen. I asked if I could read them the first book this summer (and let him know that I would respect his decision if he said no).
He completely ignored that part of my e-mail (which was the longest, where I shared how the books had brought healing into my life through dealing with the grief I had over my baby brother's death, and how J.K. Rowling is to all appearances a Christian, and how I wanted my books to showcase my faith like the Potter books had shown hers, etc.) and has now ignored me for days.
He had shared personal things with me and I was so glad because he never talked about serious stuff. I expressed gratitude and happiness over him sharing his life with me and all he got out of it was he shouldn't bother me with his problems, that he should just pretend everything is ok and be the 'fun-loving guy' everybody wants him to be.
I cannot be like that anymore. I need to share what I'm feeling (in a calm way) and I do not want to live my life the way others think I should.
I just wanted to have that father-daughter relationship. We've never had that. It has always been me as the parent and him as the child or a friend-to-friend relationship.
It's no wonder that I have a hard time relating to a Heavenly Father who shares his deepest pain and joy with me through His Word and life.
...I really need to schedule my art therapy.
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