Cheerful Agony

I think I've finally figured out what the plot of the first Violet's Monster volume is, and also what the escalation and motives are and a dozen other things I didn't have figured out...it's not going to be as grim as I thought, but it's going to be a lot more complex...which is a good thing. I think.

I've gotten several lovely books at the library recently, all about stuff I'm thinking through at the moment:

-books on painting w/ oils and acrylics
-books on how to draw horses
-books on how to paint animals
-a book of horses
-Tim Gunn's Guide to Quality, Taste, and Style
-Christian Siriano's Fierce Style: How to Be Your Most Fabulous Self
-The Blessing
-Toxic Parents
-Life of Pi
-Stephen Lawhead's first book of the Song of Albion trilogy

I tend to get books at the library based on whatever I'm contemplating...usually 3-4 subjects at a time...!

I'm going for a walk now...to revel in the cool breeze, the warm sunshine, and the afternoon-time. And also swings.

I might whisper parts of Violet's Monster: Volume I to myself or sing Disney songs aloud, or perhaps write another secret in my Secrets book.

Just a few more thoughts...

1. I've discovered that for some people, I'm a 'phase' friend - one you can dump your problems on and when the situation's over and you've gotten better, the friend fades out of your life and you can move on. Putting it like that makes me less angry at the person(s), but makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me.

2. I probably will need professional counseling again at some point for things I thought I was over. It sucks to be 23 and still be emotionally damaged from things that happened 3, 4, 8, 12 years ago.

3. No matter how pretentious this sounds, I think I would make a pretty good actress. I've had to act for years in real life - how is that any different from what others do in Hollywood? Oh yeah, I don't get paid for it.

4. I'm not as bitter as I sound. Just sad and a little hurt. Time moves too quickly for me, and when I savor the happy moments, I have to write them down or else I'll forget.

Praise Jesus for His continual presence in my life, and His unbridled love for me. If it weren't for Him and my sweet husband and the good friends I do have...this world would be miserable indeed.