Faith

I must say, it's rather depressing to receive a paycheck that's $500 different than what you expected, only to realize they are indeed counting the two weeks when you weren't at work. It does rather put a damper on things.

It also shows the difference between me and my spouse. Neither of us have a better reaction, just a different one. Stu has been brought up in a world where everything always blows up in his face sooner or later. I was brought up in a world where I never had anything to blow up in my face. So we cope differently.

I feel badly for Stu. He works so hard, at a job he hates, so that we can put food on the table. All he wants is a little time on the internet, and we can't even afford it right now. Neither of us have had luck searching for better jobs, and it's looking more likely things will be this way for a while.

Stu is convinced that the universe hates him. He grew up with several horrible father experiences, so it's only natural for him to think that his Father won't come through for him.

I just assume that since my father didn't care enough or didn't know enough to want to get to know me and celebrate my individuality, that my Father doesn't care enough either. And I know I'm wrong, but 22 years of thinking that way is hard to reverse. Baby steps.

What both of us need to realize [which I keep reminding myself] is that 1. Things won't always be this way. They may get worse, or they may get better, but this is not the rest of our lives. This is now, and now will change. 2. God's got a plan. We need to trust that He is going to take care of us, through whatever means necessary. 3. Cynicism, as CoCo said, won't get us anywhere. If we work hard and are kind, amazing things [might] will happen.

With that being said...

Sometimes I see things turning out quite nicely. I spun a dream life last night to Stu. I could get a book published and then when they want to make a movie I can put him in the director's chair. Once they see he's absolutely wonderful, they'll want to take his ideas and make them into movies.

And then there are sometimes when I see the beginning steps of what might happen. My book MIGHT get published in the next few years. It MIGHT be a popular book. I MIGHT get to write more books and get them published while working somewhere to support us. We MIGHT be able to live where we want to live, complete with internet and another dog.

I feel as if this might happen, some day. I might become a published author.

A little faith and a lot of hard work is all that's required.

And right now, with a little creative budgeting and skimping here and there...we might survive this month. Stu gets another paycheck in two weeks. If I make it a game it will be more fun, right? I just have to pretend I'm Pollyanna.