Secrets

I woke up suddenly last night, secrets running through my head. It wouldn't stop. I would see the sentences in my head and then my brain would just jump to the next one. I've made two secrets that I'm going to mail in, and I have ideas for more. Not only is this an art project for me, it really is a healing thing. The relief of people sharing my grief or of being uplifted by something that God helped me through...our generation is so strange but I'm glad someone understands and started this...well, ministry. It's incredible. I'm going to buy one of the books when I have the chance.

Other than that...I've been a little depressed. Pretty sure it's because Aunt Flo is visiting, but I keep having discussions w/ my friend and someone pointed out that we argued a lot. I don't think we argue...I think I'm just trying to get him to see that he needs to stop and think before words come pouring out of his mouth. :/

Is that bad? I just want him to grow and be happy and not be mad when people don't believe him. I'm just trying to help, but it's frustrating when my help is just thrown back in my face.

Secret for today:

I don't feel beautiful.

I know, I know, but I had been feeling beautiful lately, even with the weight gain, until a few things were said and I noticed a few areas on my face that need MAJOR work. Sometimes I think if I just wore a mask everyone would be like "you have a gorgeous figure!" and then they wouldn't wince when they saw my face. (for the record, no one winces at my face. Except me.)

How shallow is that?! But I guess it's not really. Everyone wants to be accepted and if you KNOW someone only accepts others by their looks *cough cough MEDIA/ALMOST EVERYONE cough cough* it gets depressing. I want to change my hair, my weight, my face. And my wardrobe. I want to be someone. And it hurts when people look at me and see the nobody I am instead of the potential of who I could be.

In other news...I drew 3 pictures tonight. 1 of which I really like. And might send in as part of a Post Secret. We'll see.

Love to all.