I will always wonder
If you would have lived
If I had asked
and believed.
-
I didn't have any hope that morning. I just watched him go. And later I wondered, "Why didn't I ask? Why didn't I believe? Why didn't I have faith?"
The agony of wondering why my faith/hope/love wasn't strong enough to save him haunts me.
It gnaws at me.
And I don't know how to answer it.
Once upon a time there was a little boy who dearly loved his stuffed bear. He cuddled with it at night, carried it around the house, and took it to daycare even though the other kids laughed at him. One day the family dog decided the bear would be a very fine chew-toy. She jerked the bear from the boy's grasping hands and began to tear at its ear. At first the boy cried out in anger, but then large tears welled up in his eyes. He sobbed loudly. Never did he think to look over his shoulder at his mother, who loved him very much and whom he loved best in the world, and ask her to save his stuffed friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you think? Would the mother remain aloof because the child who asked for her help ten times a day forgot got to ask in his moment of sheer horror? Or if she could have, wouldn't she have heard her child's cries and immediately rescued the favorite bear from the mouth of the aggressor? If she did stand idly by, just because the emotionally distraught boy forgot to ask, I wouldn't think very well of her.
Dearest Kate, I don't know why God did not save your Stu, our Stu, His Stu. But I am fairly certain that it was not because his little child forgot to ask in her moment of crisis. Surely the tears and moans of his beloved are no different from a request of one who loves him.
Aletheianna you are awesome.
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