Messy

I think we're afraid to be messy.

Sometimes it seems like we're all trying to get back to some old notion of perfection that just isn't achievable in this lifetime.

We're workaholics, we stress out at the thought of having our lives all planned out or while making big decisions (where to go to school, who to marry, what diet to go on), and we spend most of our lives attempting to 'get better' somehow (lose weight, find a 'purpose', reach goals, etc.).

We're either villains (the drunks, the prisoners, teenagers, political figures) or heroes (sports stars, prominent actors, saints, technology gurus) with no room in between for lives that aren't necessarily lived 'right' or 'wrong'.

The pressure to live exactly right is mind-numbing.  If we make one wrong move, our entire chess game ends and we've failed to protect the king.  One little push and the Jenga tower falls down.

How can we live with that knowledge?  Most of us don't.  We self medicate with drugs, drink, sex, or television, books, food, whatever fills that "I can't bear the pressure" hole.  We try to ignore it.  While it consumes us.

We're afraid to mess up.  To make mistakes.  Never mind that making mistakes is a natural part of life and that we can learn from them.  Never mind that failure is a better teacher than success.  Never mind that trying and trying again builds character.

It's a good thing to occasionally fail at something.  It keeps you humble.  It reminds you that you're only human and that it's ok.  You'll do better next time.  It's comforting, in a way.  You don't have to be perfect.

The sad thing is, we are so ingrained with staying away from messy that it has gotten to a ridiculous level.  For example -- we move our toilets away from main areas, we turn on fans so no one can hear, we scent the bathroom with candles and soap and whatever spray is available.  We've removed that part of our humanity until it has become shameful.

That's a pretty extreme example, but I noticed it the other day and it struck me just how much we've tried to hide 'messy'.  We have privatized normal body functions, treating them like hidden, shameful acts.  We've hidden menstrual cycles behind funny advertisements and packaging, we've hidden birthing, sickness, and even death.  We're afraid of the messy parts of life.

Granted, there are some things that *should* be private.  I don't want to see anyone getting it on or using the restroom.  I just think it's weird that we've built up highly private toilets and we have unwritten etiquette about that particular bodily function.  It's a little...silly.

Why do we pretend that normal functions don't exist?  Why do we hide 'messy'?

I think we feel that if we're perfect, we'll be accepted.  Loved.  Without the mess, there's no reason to not love us.  Without the mess, we're pristine.  Perfect.  Unashamed.  Deserving of love.

I think a little mess is healthy.  It relieves the burden of perfection.  I think knowing that others are messy can ease your own stress.  A community of people who aren't afraid to live and make mistakes (within reason) can be healthy.

But there's the rub -- humans aren't known for doing things 'within reason'.  It's hard for humans to balance.  We're caught on a pendulum and we'll swing from one side to the other.

So we strive to leave the messiness behind and aim for perfection.  But we've let perfection gain control over us.  We no longer aim for it, we pretend it.  We cover ourselves with it.  We stitch it together to hide the mess underneath.  We use it for shelter.  We let it rule us.

I'm less and less enthused with perfection.  I'm more interested in learning to live a balanced life.  I may not always have the house clean, but I'll invite people I love over anyway.  If they accept my messiness, then so can I (although, to be balanced, I need to clean every once in a while.  Living in a constant state of messiness isn't healthy either).  If I make a mistake, I'll own up to it.  Learn from it.  Make a better decision next time.  One small mistake doesn't tend to ruin a life.  It may change it, but it won't destroy it.  I've already made a bunch of mistakes and my life isn't all that bad.  I have a loving spouse, good friends, a quiet, safe spot to sleep, and a passion for story that will lead me to make more decisions and mistakes in the future.

Don't be afraid to live messy.  All of us are messy.  That doesn't mean we don't deserve to be loved.