Sick, Sick, Sick with Worry

So...

Things have gone from bad to worse. I paid for a money order of $650.00 on last Monday. I mailed it to our landlord's box on Tuesday. He has still not received it and came to check on us on Friday to see if everything was alright.

The bad part is, I have no idea where the receipt is. I know I paid for it with my debit card so I can get a statement, but I have no idea how long that will take because I don't have online banking and I won't be able to even have free time to go to the bank until Thursday.

We also cannot afford to pay $1300 in one month on rent. We just can't. We have had to ask Stu's mom for help every month but last, and we were so proud we made it the whole month without having to beg for some extra cash. They are having a rough time too so it's not like we can borrow $650.00 at one go and pay them later.

I am so sick with worry. I'm about to vomit and I'm already sick with something else [it being that time of the month] so you can just imagine how I feel. I don't know what to do and of course I assume the worst so I'm imagining getting kicked out of our house that we've been in two months.

I knew we hadn't put the boxes away for a reason. I knew that's why we hadn't unpacked all our stuff. I knew we weren't going to stay here long - all this stuff keeps running through my head, all similar to the above.

I am praying and praying that I can either find a receipt [which possibly got thrown out this morning by my officemate] or get the statement and find a # for the money order. We just can't pay any more and I'm afraid we've used up the last of our landlord's patience. I already feel bad because the people I asked to move in so I could move out have been rather nasty lately about deposits and paying for their nasty dog messes that have stained the carpet and the flooring underneath, and I don't know what to do.

I don't know what we can do. Except move out. Start over. Find a cheap little craphole and put all our stuff in storage until we a) get better, full-time jobs b) buy a house [with the $0 we have] or c) move in w/ someone.

I am so sick and tired right now. I'm sick of people who won't talk to me or who apparently don't want to hang out with me even though I've tried being their friend for over 3 years, I'm tired of hanging around people I don't really know, and I'm tired of having to be out of the house all the time. All I want to do is be home with Stu. Write. Work on my dollhouses. Do craft stuff. Cook. Clean. Watch movies and t.v.

I WANT TO ESCAPE.